The Texas Two Step

Hi all,

Thanks as always for tuning in and reading my thoughts and views. By the time this has been posted I will have tripped over 10500 page views. Wow and again thanks. Feel free to pass on any links. Glad of an increased audience.

I've had a bit of a tidy up putting all my 2017 blogs into a online document. Makes it easier to read I think.

So you may have noticed a gap since my last blog. I had hoped that thinks would have developed quicker than they have and I didn't just want to blog for blogging sake.

However as the title cryptically alludes to, steps are very much quick, quick, slow slow, as to progress. My house has sold but the buyers sale hit the rocks. They have new buyers and we are back on in a very short chain so fingers crossed it will be a delay as opposed to a reboot.

So in the interim I am looking at things I can do to make the later periods shorter and quicker. I have the documents to change my name over and worked out who I hope will sign them for me.

I am now sure that as soon as I am set up in my new home, I will be seeking referral to a GIC. I have really suffered these last few months knowing who I am and not being able to do anything about it. I will be seeking a referral as soon as I can and taking a NHS / Private dual approach. Gender GP appear well thought of and can provide support and assist my GP. Hormones will be sought privately hopefully before the end of the year. 

However a couple of issues need attacking beforehand. Hormones will reshape elements of my body but the hair that exists needs assistance. I have therefore invested in a home IPL system (Phillips Lumea) which should arrive shortly from Boots. Half price sale on at the moment and loads of points lol.

Ive read this can be hit and miss. My expectations are not for total destruction of body hair. I will be pleased if it thins it out a little and slows down the re-grow so I can lessen the need for shaving etc then that will be a success with anything beyond that a bonus. I'll report back on how I get on.

Despite my hating of needles, I think I will use this delay to get my ears pierced. I'll get unobtrusive sleepers I think so they aren't noticeable during the day. I do tend to wear my hair down over my ears now so shouldn't be that noticeable I hope.Been 2 years since I started growing it and now down to sitting over my collar bones. I think I will give it another year before it will be at the length I want.

The hoped for night out in Manchester appears unlikely. Well over £100 for a hotel for the night just cannot be justified when I can have a whole weekend in Blackpool for significantly less. However I am unsure of Blackpool in light of the need to find a new place to stay. Need to figure that all out first. The social aspect of those first few hours at Scarlets was so important and not sure how that will be replicated elsewhere if at all.

Desperately need to be Amanda though and soon. I now know exactly what dysphoria feels like now and its very much peaking and not very nice at all. Ive bought a lovely new bra and wearing it and looking down just seems so right. I really hate my body right now and having to go out dressed as a male. Dont worry I wont do anything stupid but I enitely understand how people can be driven to that.

Patience has been the key word and remains so. However your support be it reading this, commenting or to those closer to me just talking is essential and will keep me going in the interim.The support I have had has helped so much and stopped me doing anything silly because I admit to having been tempted. I have found depths and reserves of will power I really didnt know I had.

So I hope in the coming weeks I can report back something positive and give me some sense of hope as currently it is difficult to keep going.

So rather than end on a sad note I will report that my class A addiction to Phase Eight dresses has not dropped or eased off in any shape or form and I suspect I will be buying yet another soon. I just so love them!!

Take care

Luv

Amanda

xx