Undefeated
Hi all.
I trust you are all keeping well and safe.
As I mentioned last time out, I have decided to carry on with this blog in the strange times we are living in mainly to keep myself occupied. That I do and the tone I adopt (random / tangential / irreverent) is merely me being me and no reflection of the real world. I know things are bad and people are suffering. This is merely my outlet and a break in the monotony of lockdown.
So whilst per the MO of this blog, I will keep you all updated with whats going on, I may stray into other territory to pad it out and find things to write. You have been warned it may therefore get random.
So we are all shacked up at home now and kudos to those who are out there keeping the world going. Home shopping has taken on an entirely new importance. However before the final lockdown, I did manage to get to my local retailer on the high street near me. Willows is a bijou but well stocked womens and homewares retailer. Not cheap and largely accommodates the slighter woman which I am not. However I think we should where we can support local small retailers (more so when this clears) so I popped in for a browse just days before they shut. I had in mind accessories as more in keeping with my budget but ended up walking out with a full length leather skirt. Bargain as only biggest size left which fitted me! First also in that they offered for me to use their changing area. Yes only two curtained off corners and me only in the shop but first try on in a shop. They even asked me if it fitted through the curtains. That was a big moment and I will save up and treat myself there when we get back to something like normal.
Another big step was passed. Look back a few blogs and I had my ears pierced in early Feb. Rule of thumb I read was 6 - 8 weeks so plumped for 7 to see if they healed. So the day arrived. I have had earrings in stock so to speak and wore them with what I call convertors. Put the earring in essentially the clip only bit of a clip on and any hanging earring can be worn without a piercing. As a result I mainly had hoops but you know what I like them and I dont care how big they get although have seem some that could be used alternatively as hoopla's so might have to get them as well!
Now im not the most careful with my hands on a good day. Its taken me ages and adapted techniques to ensure steady hands for nail varnish and make up. I generally say that my hands are on the ends of my arms for neatness rather than practicality. So undoing a stud and replacing with a hoop was always going to be like trying to thread a needle blindfolded. Yes there was blood but nothing permanent and I happily started to wear proper earrings. Now normally I would be off to accessorize etc to stock up but that will wait save for a few ordered off the web (yes hoops again). Once I can shop again I will look at other types lol.
I mentioned in the past points of realisation, points where events however minor took on new meaning. This was one. Again unexpected but it just felt right (that wave flooding again) and something that I should have been doing for ages. I dont tend to have regrets as you cannot change the past but some days well i'm only human and it really hurts badly that I didnt do this ages ago. Anyhow onwards...
So despite being cooped up on my own, I am keeping the standards up. I eventually ran out of work clothes of a new variety at 8 weeks. I bought very well it seems. I have had some time "off" and caught up on DIY etc. When I return to my cell for ongoing work, I will be recycling old outfits!
I have also had the chance to play a little with make up. I had struggled to find the right foundation combination. There is a necessity to cover even a closely shaved face well and an orange base offsets the blue effect of underskin hairs. NYX did an orange concealer but I then struggled to find the top base / powder that covered the orange so I didnt look like I had either troweled it on or like an umpa lumpa. I think I have now found my top coat colours and with NYX stopping the concealer range (and prices on TP websites doubling as stock lessened) in steps L'Oreal with a peach coloured concealer. Balance has been found and a more natural complexion found.
Hair has gone "fiery red" and loving it. Think I will when life reopens splash out on getting it professionally done now I know my colour. Recommendations welcomed as probably need a trim by then as well.
Oh and the search for my red lipstick has ended. 547 from Maybelline. The name "Pleasure Me Red", Oh yes sexism is still rife in this world but wow is it the red I have so much been after.
Being at home all the time as also warranted a chance to try different things. Alcohol! In particular Pink Gin. I need an entry level bottle to try so welcome any recommendations but the samples I have are excellent.
I also alluded to in my last blog to getting gym clothes. Well home shopping turned up trumps and crop top, t-shirt, leggings and tracksuit top all arrived in time for a home work out I picked off YouTube to be done. Still feeling it 3 days later but two things came out of it.
Firstly I again had one of those moments when I looked in the mirror in my gym gear. The yeah that feels so right moment / wave of happiness. Secondly I actually enjoyed it. It was hard work and that will I think get easier but being home alone and having the freedom to look a prat when my co-ordination fails me was easier than going a gym and all that entails as a transwoman.
Finally (my word I did have a lot to say in the end) I miss my heels. I have adapted so much to them now that padding around in flats feels alien. So when I return to my cell to work this week I will still be wearing work clothes and that includes my heels!
So to the future? Well seems like we may be like this for a while yet and any exit strategy will be slow and considered. Adapting has been the key and I wont admit to enjoying this at all but needs must. I think I have found a way to adjust but I must be mindful that I keep busy mentally and physically. With the weather improving that may include time in the back and one afternoon this week was nice to get a few hours in the sun.
In the meantime, happy to have a goss or chat about anything online so ping me through this blog, messenger or whatsapp if you have my number. I suspect eBay might get hit a but in the coming weeks so next time I may well have clothes news! I do think this however has changed me permanently. I have had time to look at me from the outside but really think about me inside. I feel when I'm let loose again I will be different. I wont be as afraid of being me and where in the past I may have been hesitant I will be positive, where I may have been cautious, I will be more adventurous always coupled with a sensible level of risk assessment. Its time I think to let loose, be me and enjoy life in full. I know without a shadow of doubt this was the right decision and the need to be complete is overwhelming.
In the meantime you know what you have to do, but importantly keep in touch with people who may be alone in all this whatever their age. It matters and makes a difference trust me. One person who will remain nameless just called me to have a chat. That I wont ever forget because at a time when I needed it, it helped so much. Thank you.
Until next time as the title suggests, we will get there in the end and hopefully be better as a result.
Oh and Saturday Night Solo Party #2 outfit!
Amanda
xx
I trust you are all keeping well and safe.
As I mentioned last time out, I have decided to carry on with this blog in the strange times we are living in mainly to keep myself occupied. That I do and the tone I adopt (random / tangential / irreverent) is merely me being me and no reflection of the real world. I know things are bad and people are suffering. This is merely my outlet and a break in the monotony of lockdown.
So whilst per the MO of this blog, I will keep you all updated with whats going on, I may stray into other territory to pad it out and find things to write. You have been warned it may therefore get random.
So we are all shacked up at home now and kudos to those who are out there keeping the world going. Home shopping has taken on an entirely new importance. However before the final lockdown, I did manage to get to my local retailer on the high street near me. Willows is a bijou but well stocked womens and homewares retailer. Not cheap and largely accommodates the slighter woman which I am not. However I think we should where we can support local small retailers (more so when this clears) so I popped in for a browse just days before they shut. I had in mind accessories as more in keeping with my budget but ended up walking out with a full length leather skirt. Bargain as only biggest size left which fitted me! First also in that they offered for me to use their changing area. Yes only two curtained off corners and me only in the shop but first try on in a shop. They even asked me if it fitted through the curtains. That was a big moment and I will save up and treat myself there when we get back to something like normal.
Another big step was passed. Look back a few blogs and I had my ears pierced in early Feb. Rule of thumb I read was 6 - 8 weeks so plumped for 7 to see if they healed. So the day arrived. I have had earrings in stock so to speak and wore them with what I call convertors. Put the earring in essentially the clip only bit of a clip on and any hanging earring can be worn without a piercing. As a result I mainly had hoops but you know what I like them and I dont care how big they get although have seem some that could be used alternatively as hoopla's so might have to get them as well!
Now im not the most careful with my hands on a good day. Its taken me ages and adapted techniques to ensure steady hands for nail varnish and make up. I generally say that my hands are on the ends of my arms for neatness rather than practicality. So undoing a stud and replacing with a hoop was always going to be like trying to thread a needle blindfolded. Yes there was blood but nothing permanent and I happily started to wear proper earrings. Now normally I would be off to accessorize etc to stock up but that will wait save for a few ordered off the web (yes hoops again). Once I can shop again I will look at other types lol.
I mentioned in the past points of realisation, points where events however minor took on new meaning. This was one. Again unexpected but it just felt right (that wave flooding again) and something that I should have been doing for ages. I dont tend to have regrets as you cannot change the past but some days well i'm only human and it really hurts badly that I didnt do this ages ago. Anyhow onwards...
So despite being cooped up on my own, I am keeping the standards up. I eventually ran out of work clothes of a new variety at 8 weeks. I bought very well it seems. I have had some time "off" and caught up on DIY etc. When I return to my cell for ongoing work, I will be recycling old outfits!
I have also had the chance to play a little with make up. I had struggled to find the right foundation combination. There is a necessity to cover even a closely shaved face well and an orange base offsets the blue effect of underskin hairs. NYX did an orange concealer but I then struggled to find the top base / powder that covered the orange so I didnt look like I had either troweled it on or like an umpa lumpa. I think I have now found my top coat colours and with NYX stopping the concealer range (and prices on TP websites doubling as stock lessened) in steps L'Oreal with a peach coloured concealer. Balance has been found and a more natural complexion found.
Hair has gone "fiery red" and loving it. Think I will when life reopens splash out on getting it professionally done now I know my colour. Recommendations welcomed as probably need a trim by then as well.
Oh and the search for my red lipstick has ended. 547 from Maybelline. The name "Pleasure Me Red", Oh yes sexism is still rife in this world but wow is it the red I have so much been after.
Being at home all the time as also warranted a chance to try different things. Alcohol! In particular Pink Gin. I need an entry level bottle to try so welcome any recommendations but the samples I have are excellent.
I also alluded to in my last blog to getting gym clothes. Well home shopping turned up trumps and crop top, t-shirt, leggings and tracksuit top all arrived in time for a home work out I picked off YouTube to be done. Still feeling it 3 days later but two things came out of it.
Firstly I again had one of those moments when I looked in the mirror in my gym gear. The yeah that feels so right moment / wave of happiness. Secondly I actually enjoyed it. It was hard work and that will I think get easier but being home alone and having the freedom to look a prat when my co-ordination fails me was easier than going a gym and all that entails as a transwoman.
Finally (my word I did have a lot to say in the end) I miss my heels. I have adapted so much to them now that padding around in flats feels alien. So when I return to my cell to work this week I will still be wearing work clothes and that includes my heels!
So to the future? Well seems like we may be like this for a while yet and any exit strategy will be slow and considered. Adapting has been the key and I wont admit to enjoying this at all but needs must. I think I have found a way to adjust but I must be mindful that I keep busy mentally and physically. With the weather improving that may include time in the back and one afternoon this week was nice to get a few hours in the sun.
In the meantime, happy to have a goss or chat about anything online so ping me through this blog, messenger or whatsapp if you have my number. I suspect eBay might get hit a but in the coming weeks so next time I may well have clothes news! I do think this however has changed me permanently. I have had time to look at me from the outside but really think about me inside. I feel when I'm let loose again I will be different. I wont be as afraid of being me and where in the past I may have been hesitant I will be positive, where I may have been cautious, I will be more adventurous always coupled with a sensible level of risk assessment. Its time I think to let loose, be me and enjoy life in full. I know without a shadow of doubt this was the right decision and the need to be complete is overwhelming.
In the meantime you know what you have to do, but importantly keep in touch with people who may be alone in all this whatever their age. It matters and makes a difference trust me. One person who will remain nameless just called me to have a chat. That I wont ever forget because at a time when I needed it, it helped so much. Thank you.
Until next time as the title suggests, we will get there in the end and hopefully be better as a result.
Oh and Saturday Night Solo Party #2 outfit!
Amanda
xx
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