Steps

Hello again to both my regulars and any newbies tuning in.

Well the title of this blog isnt 5-6-7-8 before anyone asks. Later singles have more merit though I digress.

No its about finally starting the medical transition process off. Psych assessment this last week and confirmed that they are willing to help me. Did a little jig around the house afterwards! As I said its weird to be happy to be diagnosed with something. I am as one said a euphoric dysphoric!

This is important for me. Living full time isnt enough. I need to be me and as much of that is the need to medically transition. It is simply who I am. Do not listen to unqualified childrens authors who know jack about trans people.

So next up is the bloods being checked and then hopefully the commencement on hormone treatment. Thats a long slog and all depends on how your body reacts to the hormones and what your base levels are. For some its just a rebalance for others its blockers as well. What does that mean. Loss of body hair, redistribution of fat (hips hopefully) loss of muscle mass and yes ...Boobs!

I am ready for this both physically and mentally. I am keen rather than afraid or nervous. It feels so right. So its just the first step but the right step and the right direction.

Following on from my dip into the legal press my LinkedIn profile has recovered and whilst still busy the heights have passed. That said my firms post on LinkedIn still is racking up the likes and well over 230 at the time of writing and still going up.

I must admit the interest has been good for the ego but not in a way where I may get carried away. Its another step towards acceptance and being more open about who I am.

I wont bang on about it but its just getting the word out there that we just want to live our own lives as who we are.

As pride month comes to an end, dont forget that it needs remembering all year round. With that in mind there is perhaps another bit of promotional work to do. Early days yet so hopefully will have something to report next time.

One last thing before I sign off. It may seem weird but I am already changing before I have even started meds. I feel different. I feel more me and more complete. Its difficult to put words to explain the effect but when I go out now I dont feel alien and I am seeing things that perhaps I may have missed previously. I have used the analogy of peeling the layers away like an onion. Each time I take a step forward its another layer removed but at the same time it is opening up new perspectives. I am thinking differently now. Seeing new things and with clarity. I just hope it continues because it is invigorating.

In the meantime lockdown is easing slowly. Ive started getting out and queuing lol. We will all have to adapt to the new normal we find ourselves in and the more I get out the more I adapt. Better than siting at home. I am starting to resent that office space and close the door each night to try and mentally create a barrier.

Bars and pubs opening but I will leave it a few weeks and let the madness subside first. Do feel a need to get back out and start living a bit.

Ive used these 4mths in solitary to help refine the make up, the clothes loom and generally get me down to a fine art. Hopefully I am ready to be released back into the real world.

Until then take care and hopefully I will start seeing you again soon.

Amanda

xx