Its Time

 So we are fast running out of 2020. Hmm dont think this one will be missed. 

So in my probable penultimate blog of the year I usually start thinking of looking back and reflecting on the year. Yeah right, I think I might save that one for my last one. 

I jest really because it has been a pretty big year pandemic aside. I think back to this time last year and where I was and where I was hoping I would be shortly. I was out of my marriage and away from that toxic atmosphere just waiting for my name change to come through. 

Confidence was the key looking back and I didnt have much. I was very nervous about a lot of things and whilst I had ideas of where I was going I dont think I really had much of an idea where it was going to go on a day to day basis. 

However despite all that happened I got there and am living my life as me. Not quite perfect but a darn sight better than before.

 I had preconceived ideas of what I would do in certain scenarios and when faced with difficulties but it was a case of learning on the job so to speak. I hope and like to think I have done ok. 

However I couldnt have done any of this without people who supported me . You know who you are. Ive told you often enough but as I move forward into stage 2 then its nice to just thank people. 

Stage 2 you ask. Well in a few days stage 1 is over in my mind, The social change is established and I am about 6 weeks from having lived a year. 

Stage 2 involves the next step which is the physical changes. I blogged last time that I had been approved for medical treatment. Well in oh about 84 hours I start the changes which will I hope be the beginning of feeling like me. 

So far its been superficial. Slap on a bit / lot of make up, grow and dye the hair, invest in clothing and structurally aggressive underwear and you can create a look. Deep down however this has always been a case of more than these changes. Yes I love the way I dress now, love the way I look and the life i am living but I remain physically incomplete. 

So come Monday a little jab in the upper arm and patches start the process of changes off. Testosterone suppression and then up the estrogen. What happens next is somewhat in the lap of the gods. Each of us has their own balance and reaction. I have hopes and should the changes go to plan then little things should be noticed quicker than others. One thing is I may / will become more emotional. I apologise in advance. I'm not exactly unknown for breaking down in tears as it is.  

I'm going to keep track of the changes both here in my blog and visually by way of photo records and video. Hopefully that will track the changes and I can look back in the future. 

So as a bit of a sample, I give you a short introduction with me as I am today....

Not got the hang of the video yet. Nice titles, better lighting and leaving a gap at the end to edit out the stopping are all things to work on but heh its a start. 

If something quick happens I may well report early but I think one last blog from this nightmare of a year might be required. 

Until then, take care, have fun and if I dont see you or speak to you then enjoy Christmas. 

Amanda

xx