Lost

 Hi there. 

I hope people had a good Christmas and a good start to what is looking like 2020 continued. 

Personally I dropped off the radar after a tough few months. Living on your own, working from home in either tier whatever or lockdown took its toll on me and I had a bit of a wobble before Christmas and it ran through until the New Year. Sometimes you take your eye off the ball and forget what you need to do to keep yourself on the level. I didnt do what was needed to get me through this and it hit me. 

Fortunately I have great friends and family and people rallied round and helped me re focus and reapply myself. Getting back to stable now and able to concentrate on what should be a better year despite its start. Then I get the flu. First time in years I cant get a jab and I get the flu. 

So back to the "journey". Well I had started on testosterone suppression jabs and low level estrogen patches. After a month of the latter I was then bumped up to double dose. To be honest there wasn't much to notice but I suspect its difficult for me looking at the same body everyday. I did notice a slight change in my pectoral region where the underlying muscle(?) appears to have firmed up a bit. Perhaps thats a precursor to breast development? I'm not sure. There is supposed to be increased sensitivity but its only 6 weeks and not felt anything yet. Lower level function is diminished and that was expected. In time that will become redundant and permanent. Wont be missed. 

I'm quite impatient over this. I'm heading to where I want to be and its something to focus on whilst the world is mad but I still want to shift on and be me. Not easy when all you can do is go to the supermarket. 3 years getting divorced and then into pandemic within 6 weeks of moving into my own place. My word its been a tough few years. 

Which is interesting in that I recently passed a year living here and am a week or so away from the anniversary of my first day living full time as Amanda. Bit of a milestone. Half way then to being able to apply for my gender recognition certificate. Its been a weird year of course. Nothing that I expected happened but I've lived as me without incident. Things I take for granted now like shopping I couldn't have dreams about even 2 years ago. Its a question of confidence in yourself. Ive let the real me out and Ive said before its liberating. 

I also over the festive break outed myself to the remainder of my Dad's family. Just friended people on FB and put a photo of me and my Dad up tagging us both. To those who know how FB works meant that just put it out there. 

Had a few really positive comments and hope that you get the chance to read the back copies of this blog. Plenty to catch up on. Love to know what people are saying and happy as always to dismiss misinformation and answer questions. 

On a more positive note I have been nominated / promoted / press ganged (?) as to vice chair of my works LGBT+ & allies group. Me and Kamala in the same day although I would suggest that she dresses significantly better than me. Loved the purple coat! Hope I can use this to continue to influence and keep the word out there that trans people are just people trying to live their lives as their true selves. 

So I sign off by asking to keep safe but also keep in touch with people close to you. Its tough all round and most people are missing company and friendship. If people go quiet make the effort as its likely they may be struggling. 

Until next time - be you and be glorious. 

Amanda

xx