Growth

Hi all.

I was watching Graham Norton recently and Gareth Thomas was on describing how the press tried to out his HIV status. No I'm not but in any event there should be no shame in that. He raised the issue with the press threatening to tell his parents and he decided to take back control and reveal it himself. That issue of you being in control of your destiny resonates so strongly with me.

February is LGBT history month where the community and allies celebrate those trailblazers and persons of note. However for individuals in the community whilst having icons to look up to makes a difference, the biggest difference is having support in your family and friends. Being allies to the LGBT community generally is commendable and shouting down bigotry and hatred is the right thing to do but if you can find it within yourself to support someone you know or by being vocally supportive generally you might mot know the difference you will make. That may well encourage someone to come out or at least confide in you. So can I ask starting in this opportune month and onwards just think that your actions will be the future history we will celebrate. 

With this in mind it is incumbent on me to do a big shout out this month to one of my biggest allies, my father. I get from the generation he came from that all this was new and even confusing. I also get that he may have struggled with his child not exactly turning out as expected. I can tell he has done his research though and despite ongoing ribbing I give him about pronouns (which I do with good intentions BTW) I admit to being surprised how much support he has given me in recent years and continues to do so. I love him to bits and am very proud of him in the way he has taken all this in his stride. I know he will read this and hope I havent embarrassed him to much. Thank you so much. 

Regular readers of this blog will also know the trouble I went through both deciding and then going through telling people (check out the back issues in the contents top left). I however got to the point where I let it get out there organically and address it wherever it cropped up thereafter. Its been a while since I was an issue but I always knew there were pockets of people where it may become an issue that needed addressing.

Happened just this week from a good friend who perhaps I should have been more in contact in recent years. I was nervous about the reaction but I have grown so much in the last few years that I was confident in myself that it would not phase me. I am delighted to say the reaction was all I hoped it would be. Thanks if you are reading this.

I still remain hopeful that two particular people will one day be of such independent thought that they will realise all I am is being true to myself and that should never be a crime. They are very much becoming the stand out exceptions. I am as much as guilty of this situation arising not from being me but by failing to ensure that they got a balanced view of the world. You can never develop as a person by being influenced by one view / person or wearing blinkers. Talking solves so many problems and increases understanding. I live in hope.

As well as growing as a person I am also starting to notice physical changes as are others . The hour glass figure is just starting to develop as I've noticed more width on the hips when wearing certain clothes. Notably my tops are becoming a fair bit tighter round the chest with definition very much noticeable in terms of forward growth and a subtle change in how the middle of the chest line looks. Contours are moving in a very different direction. They are sore and tender which I understand is par for the course. I am absolutely delighted by the way. Did a little jig around the room the other night. Long way to go mind. 

I remain hopeful that I will get to see a lot of people close to me in the coming months. I am missing you. For some it will be the first time. That will be novel for both of us I bet. Just embrace the newness of it. Still me underneath you know. 

In the meantime do what you feel is necessary in your own circumstances. The mechanics of the situation we are in are different for everyone and evolving daily.

However keep in touch with people. Make sure you drop a text perhaps to someone you haven't contacted for a while. It can make a difference 

Speak /zoom etc soon

Amanda xx