Advancing

 Hi there and as always thanks for dropping by and paying attention (least I hope you are).

So as the title suggests (I should do a blog with a random title like some 70s prog rock album) this blog is really about moving forward and progression. 

Its been approximately 3 months now since I started hormones. By most things I have read, then this is a key point. I should start to notice changes and over the next 3 months, any changes that I do note become irreversible. 

I have mentioned before that breast tissue growth was already noticeable probably at about 6 weeks. Its now very much noticeable. By way of explanation the process two fold. I have a quarterly jab to reduce my natural hormone production and patches which contain estradiol the female hormone to replace the same. 

I expected as the period of the 1st jab came to an end that there would be a drop of in changes and if that was reflected by being less sensitive / sore then it went as expected. I think the next phase will be important as said above, the changes start to be permanent so my body will not be pushing back as much. Now I have had my second jab then hopefully the balance will be more marked. With the changes so far which exceeded both my expectations and were at the good end of developments then I would hope to push on more this time round. I also get a blood check next month to check my hormone levels and again if not quite there, my dose can be amended accordingly. 

So far so good then. As well as growth, I have noticed shrinkage elsewhere and distinct loss of function. Again this was expected but has happened sooner than I anticipated. Everyones body is different so we all react differently but I am pretty happy with the physical changes so far. No increased sensitivity emotionally although watching the Caroline Flack documentary the other night was very upsetting but I think I would have felt that anyway. I havent been afraid to show my emotions in the past and I have always known that they are pretty close to the surface. Good or bad, I would be useless at poker lol. 

I also came to a conclusion as well this week. My personality as Amanda has developed at each stage of the journey and that has been reflected in what I wore. When I was just out partying then it was all about looking glam. When I made the decision to go full time, I had a whole wardrobe to get sorted. I took the approach of I thought needing a broad spectrum of types to cover all situations. I have now realised that I was trying to comply with societal expectations rather than being me. During lockdown I have come to the conclusion that I need to just be me. So the wardrobe is entering a new phase where I will start to get rid of things that werent me and start expanding stuff that is me. More vintage stuff, more dresses and more heels. If you cant be happy being you then what can you be.

Next week (31.03) is TDOV (Transgender Day of Visibility) . Its a day dedicated to raising awareness and celebrating the transgender community. I will be doing a talk in work (remotely) with a Q&A the day before and attending a local on line event the day itself. If you see anything on social media, please feel free to engage and support what you see. 

To finish off it would be remiss of me to not mention the recent events surrounding male violence towards women. I might be in a good position to put a view forward being so to speak at one point having a foot in each camp. 

It is only by virtue of the biological / genetic lottery that a man becomes a man. All embryo's at the initial stages are female. So its pretty much by luck that you fall generally into one or the other. Some of us have the problem that process probably went a bit awry at that point but I digress. 

Gender in any event is not binary just as one man or woman is not the same as the one standing next to them. We are all individuals with the only thing in common that we represent the dominant species on the planet. So where does this need to be a mans man etc come from. Its not nature but nruture. Its how other people shape peoples views, behavior and opinion. Its learnt by and large. Yes there will be a very small number of people who are wired that way regardless ( 83000 prisoners in the UK as opposed to 66m people and most of those will have thought about their crime not acted upon compulsion) but even those can be influenced by society. 

Anyone should feel safe on the streets and more police only addresses the outcome not the cause. Its so overdue that toxic masculinity is ended. There is no such thing anymore as what an identikit male should be and that means women in all elements of life dont have to earn equal status but start at that point. We address this by stopping that imbalance and those readers who are male step up to the plate and stop anyone who tries to perpetuate that imbalance by either continuing stereotypes or more so denigrating any woman or any activity that they chose to do. Laddish mentality is so last century.

I have relied upon allies for my own journey. Its time women had male allies who called out other males. If we tackle the culture we start to solve the cause. In the meantime be supportive of those women around you who may feel unsafe and uneasy. A little care and compassion is no sign of weakness and is indeed a distinct sign of strength. Its not woke or being snowflake to have concerns and seek to resolve those concerns by a change. Society develops (boys used to wear pink, heels and tights remember) and the future isnt the past.

#BeKind is more than a twitter tag but should be a default behavior. 

As it seems vaccination and release from lockdown is on schedule at the time of writing, then I sincerely hope to start catching up with you all soon in person. I have a garden with nice seating area so hope from next month to have a few visitors. Once the shops are open then watch me go lol

In the meantime, take appropriate precautions and dont forget to be you. 

Amanda xx