Dawning

Hi all 

So this one is a little late. Mad busy in work and also wanted sometime for the booking of surgery to sink in. It has 

Butterflies are quickly followed by excitement. I'm now ready for this. Got the bill and checking in details only a few days ago. Makes it all seem very real at the moment. A few things like I won't need more restrictive clothing anymore crossed my mind. That's a freedom in itself. I'll be able to wear stuff without that even crossing my mind.

It will be the end point of part 2. Part 1 was coming out. Part 2 was transition. Part 3 will be final adaption. 

It's often called a journey for a reason. On this journey I've brought a lot of people with me. I forged new friends from different places and positions.

What I have realized recently is that they fell into three categories. The genuine ones who have been with me throughout. There is then the new friends who are being added to the existing bunch. That has created such a diverse roster of friends. Some have improved and others continue to support.

The third category are the least appealing. They may have known me either a lot or in passing. It feels they took either the opportunity to jump on a bandwagon and look all touchy feely by supporting me. Some in this group backed off. Excuses were tendered, promises missed or long gaps of silence occurred. I don't know why. For some it will be bigotry, some complacency and some will have got what they wanted i.e. reflected kudos.

I've come to a conclusion lately that I'm no longer going to put any effort into this group anymore. I've always deeply valued friendship. However I've always viewed it as a reciprocal relationship. It might not always be balanced for a variety of reasons but true friends will always be there. I am and I hope people can rely on me for that 

I've seen a deterioration in some relationships and for whatever reason it disappoints me. My energies are best used on others who appreciate me. That may mean doing more things solo but in that case I get to meet new people more often. The latter can only be good.

So if you are reading this and think this may apply to you, don't feel aggrieved. You know where I am and how to get hold of me. You may have had your reasons and if you still want to know me then I'll be where I always was, but for now others and me are a bit higher up the list 

This goes for any estranged family. Ive made my decision, made my bed so to speak. 99.9% of people I knew came along with me. It's up to you if you want your blinkers geting in the way. I'm going to use my energies more constructively in future. Past loyalty is only an indicator now, I'm interested more about now and future. Quid pro quo is now the order of the day.

One thing important to me is developing and whilst progress is slow it's going in the right direction. Soon as I have concrete news I'll post it 

Until then, still got achy boobs, still trying to get a relationship going and still up for any party offered. New LGBT night in Warrington somewhat originally called Fruit might be getting a visit, plus socially I'm going to be very active. Feel free to join me. It's fun and might open some people's eyes 

Going through summer pre surgery I'm very much going to enjoy it. Up to those who want to be part of it but I'm tired of pushing. Time to coast with those who want to be here. 

Until next time, be you, be free and be with those who value you most 

Amanda xxx