Creeping closer

Seems weird now how I'm getting so close to something at one point I never thought would happen. 

Barely six weeks until surgery. The nerves are creeping in so I'm trying to keep busy.

Last event of note was Sparkle. For those that don't know that is the national transgender charity festival in Manchester. You see everyone variety of trans person there and this was my first time. Ironically my first and last pre op. 

Thoroughly enjoyed it. Again it means a lot more to others who aren't full time like me. I can however see me becoming a regular in future years.

Next big event for me is Liverpool Pride at the end of the month. My birthplace celebration. This time my second attendance but first as me. This COVID thing has delayed so much and I don't make that comment flippantly but getting back to normal is so important.

I'm going prepared this time with my flag bought ready for it. Needs an iron but I'll drape this around me with a lot of pride that day. 

Open invitation to pop down and enjoy the festivities. Say hi if you see me.

On the medical front I mentioned last time I had my last hormone injection pre surgery. Still on the oestrogen patches and due to bad timing I had my periodical bloods taken the day before my jab. 

In theory therefore my testosterone suppression was potentially at its weakest. I did therefore wonder what the effect would be.

I mentioned last time my T was 0.5 some 20 times lower than the average male and in the bottom half of female levels. I was therefore interested to see what it would be especially with the timing.

Turns out it was 0.4 so even lower which I find confusing. It is however where it should be.

Now my O level has been going up historically and last time jumped to a huge 833. Again I was looking for some indication as to where it would be now. My dose hadn't changed, breasts were still sore so I expected a high figure but came in at 473 bang on average.

That shows just how unpredictable endocrinology can be and how your hormones even when controlled like mine can fluctuate. I'm still getting random crying so I can't say yet that they have settled. What used to make me mad now makes me teary which is strange. 

So as I count down to S day I've still got things to sort out. My rehabilitation plans are in order and to my friends and family all I ask is to keep in touch as boredom will be a major issue. I have my pre med in three weeks and suspect it will hit home then. 

I remain totally ready though and I look at butterflies as just general apprehension as anyone might do. I am readying myself for a gigantic emotional hit afterwards once I realize that I've finally got there. King size box of tissues likely to be needed 😂.

There remains a lot of talk about trans ideology in the media at the moment. It's by and large grand BS. I always think it ironic and hypocritical that we get rendered an ideology from people who have an ideology. 

There is no ideology. There are just people being used for political reasons. There is no big threat and education is not damaging.

To those who might not know but I had my first inkling aged 8. The lack of knowledge onwards did not help and made absolutely zero difference to the outcome. All it did was cause delays and anxiety. Others aren't so lucky.

So if you remain confused about trans issues then as you are reading this, then you have access to a lived experience. That beats any views hands down. We aren't going away and are not going to be repressed. Listen and you might learn something.

Until then see you at Pride.

Amanda xx