The Unplanned One

Says it all in the title.

Per the last blog I was planning on my next being a tale of my travels. Still all planned and starts later this week. Have been refreshing my language skills ahead so see how I cope.

However thought I'd throw this in to reflect on a few things happening.

I had my pre med last week. Big shock to see I've put a fair bit of weight on. Had guessed I had put some on as had a pretty hectic few months and my hormones I'd found had caused a bit of weight gain (notably two lumps growing lol) but not quite to this extent. Won't affect my surgery but am conscious I need to trim some weight off. 

Aside from that all went well, fees paid and importantly hormone treatment suspended. No more patches until post op. Feels odd them not being there. Been part of me now for 18 months so wonder what three weeks without them will do.

As again alluded to, I went to Chester Pride this weekend. Sweltering heat but didn't stop a fantastic parade. 

I was watching on my own up in the Rows (those that know Chester will know them) and had an amazing view. What really was noticeable was the groups all supporting each other be they employers or others. That sense of collectivism was palpable.

For a second or two I had an acute sense of being lost and alone. A very personal feeling that I still felt an outsider. Imposter syndrome I think you may call it, however that was soon replaced by a sense of purpose. It shook me a little that despite all I have done I felt a strong sense of a need to do much more and do it collectively rather than alone.

I have been coasting and too accepting of events happening rather than dictating the outcome by being more positive. I'm not sure how yet but I feel a strong sense of need to change. It was a surreal realisation.

I have an iron in the fire which will fulfill part of that need but I think I need a lot more changing. How as always is the difficulty but I'm looking forward to a break and then my surgery and during the rehabilitation period I'll use to plan this reset.

Finally today it was revealed that physical attacks on the LGBTQ community have risen substantially. It's not acceptable and based entirely on bigotry and lack of education. One thing I will endeavour to do is always shout down bigotry and more importantly continue to educate. This blog is now more important than ever. Perhaps that's where my future is. I know it's time to be more vocal than ever.

I know going to Sparkle and prides that the community is just trying to be it's best self. We continue to need support of allies and I hope you reading this will continue to be one. 

Until next time stay vocal and I might see you at Manchester Pride over bank holiday weekend.

Amanda xx