Rehab...no...no...no

Hello again.

When I last wrote I was sitting on my hospital bed watching satellite TV, three meals a day and all the meds I needed. 

Amazing how things change. TW again. This one is going to be detailed!!

So to finish off my stay, there was the discharge routine. I was until the penultimate day on a catheter and my neovagina was packed to help keep its shape.

Both had to be removed and when three nurses all come mob handed into your room you know it's not a social visit.

I had seen and heard stories of these being removed. My catheter bag had been my companion being carried around with me for nearly a week. It is strange not having to physically pee for a week meanwhile a bag attached to you fills up. 

Additional I was constipated despite laxatives provided so was hoping my works would be back to normal after this. Oh yes the catheter removal hurt. The packing however much less. A lot was numb down there thankfully.

I was then introduced to my new mates. I need names for these to humanise them but for now they are my purple and blue dilators. You see my body views the work as an injury and tries to fix it. So to keep its shape and depth, my neovagina needs to be stretched three times a day. Looks like I'll need a shipping order for lube to keep matters moist.

I apparently was a natural to it although second time was a bit tougher trying to know how and when to press. It was still a fair bloody mess at that point and I don't do blood any time well.

Needless to say as a result things have changed down there. Going for a wee is entirely different and took me a few days to understand new sensations of when I was needing to go. That extra urethal length has gone so no more squeezing it to hold on..... actually nothing there to hold on.  

I traveled home with my dad six days post surgery and was very delicate. I ended up pinging a few stitches but after reassurance by email from my surgeon that this is very common, I was reassured.

With oozing down to two distinct points and the use of a hand mirror, I've now had the chance of a proper look. It is amazing the transformation. I had read books, articles and watched videos so had an idea of the concept but it's amazing what has been done. In my past life I had seen a few of the naturally created in my time and learnt everyone differs sometimes in ways you could not imagine. That said I am well impressed with my surgeons handy work.

It's still swollen at times, still got stiches and a couple of open wounds so I have to be careful with cleaning and hygiene but for now I am deeply happy. The old todger is not missed at all. 

That said this has been my most physically challenging thing ever. Shooting pains can destroy a nights sleep and trying to get comfortable has been difficult at times. I'm sure I'll look back at one point less bothered but for now this is painful and hard going. It has challenged me physically and mentally. You get frustrated, impatient and bored at times. Simple things like bending over just can't currently be done.

Matters were further complicated by catching a heavy cold within days of return north. Must have been the change from that week of southern air!. Only just coming through that now so that hasn't helped.

This has been a trial of patience. I'm not overly patient. I prefer information and certainty. I don't do leaving things to naturally develop. Perhaps something like this will knock the rougher edges off my impatience. 

So as I 'sit' here, fidgeting trying to find a comfortable sweet spot, I have weeks ahead of painkillers, anti inflammatories, panty liners (oh yes mopping up everything) and disturbed sleep, do I look back and regret. 

No.

I have to control my frustration, ride the discomfort and temper my expectations but my genital area has been completely rearranged and in time once it's all settled I know I'll be ecstatic. For now I'll be happy with a growing sense inside of contentment. Yeah feels pretty darn good pain notwithstanding.

In the meantime I'll overdose on pageantry (sad) and update you all soon.

Until next time, cross your legs and think of me who can't yet do it!!

Amanda xx