Blockage.

 There are times in life and times in my journey when I have hit what appeared to be insurmountable obstacles. Things that just try and stop you moving forward or events that put a chasm in the path.

A lot of the time it's a case of hitting the brakes to let it pass or going the long way around. Occasionally you can force your way through although that can cause damage to either you or the future path.

If there is one thing I've been sure about very much in recent years is I am heading in the right direction.

I've been invigorated by being myself but perhaps equally being able to be loud about it and seek to do other good things for my community in work and outside.

It's made a huge personal difference but I think also to others, dispelling myths, being supportive and helping my community.

All was good and the road ahead was clear in that I was content to go where the road took me albeit perhaps at a junction taking a certain route or detour that aided my overall destination.

I've now hit a gap where the bridge is out and I genuinely am at the proverbial crossroads save that the options are a very long detour or reversing.

I know I can't go backwards. I've achieved so much and I know inside I've got so much more to give and achieve. However I'm genuinely in a fog over what to do now.

I know what I want to do it just seems no way to do it at the moment. Do I sit at the crossroads and wait for a bridge to be built to go forward knowing that I'll be increasingly frustrated whilst I wait or do I gamble on a detour.

I rarely am indecisive albeit I admit at times the process to make a decision can be overly delayed but I know that as a result I invariably make the right decision.

It's just this looks a big one even accounting for big decisions I've had to make in recent years. Those big decisions had a definite outcome once I'd got over some pretty big hurdles.

This one has too many possibilities at the moment and that's the conundrum. What decision I make may have many outcomes and I genuinely don't know what they are and which has the most promise or opportunity.

Having to make this decision has questioned my confidence. Am I doing the right thing? Have a reached the end and I just don't know it yet? Am I kidding myself? Will it make a difference?

I usually when faced with such issues go into massive evaluation processes and get there but I am very much at the proverbial crossroads but with no signs of map 

The status quo is no longer acceptable and to be honest I've probably known that for a while and either been shying away from the decision or trying to ignore it in the hope it will get better. 

As the saying goes you have to break eggs to make an omelette. How many eggs and how to make sure no shell gets in it seems my problem.

I need time to think unemotionally but as I alluded to in my last missive the hormones aren't exactly helping with that at the moment. 

I thought I'd made all the big decisions. Seems one was lurking in the long grass and it's snuck up on me not entirely unexpected but certainly not as I'd hoped.

Confidence will be the key. I need to summon my past self again, evaluate, decide and implement.

The difference this time is the choice isn't binary.

Amanda xx