Affirmation
Hiya all.
Writing this blog after a long weekend in Blackpool.Stayed at the fabulous Scarlets hotel and heartily recommend it to any transwoman who wants a safe and enjoyable night out. Absolute national treasures are the owners.
Friday was my birthday so day off work and went up there with a spring in my step. Had planned to wear a Per Una jump suit with heels and my new biker jacket (the summer we are having and this weekend was wet!) However the practicalities of no way in or out for the loo in a jumpsuit forced a change into a spotted dress and boots.
Great night had apart from a small faux pas at the end. Great company though as always. I have made some special friends on these trips.
Next morning a fry up to clear the system. Now to those who have binged on my old posts or been with me at the start you may recall that on previous trips I have had issues with confidence and being me in a "non village" area. Well armed with new pink satin trainers, jeans, new tshirt with a big heart on it and aforesaid jacket and off into town shopping and generally just being me. No confidence issues at all. Bargain new top from Debenhams (70% off) and after a short break out for a few afternoon scoops. The Flying Handbag - great name for a bar!
I know its not my home town and I'm yet to go out local to me but the confidence is sky high now. A few kids did double takes which was comical but apart from that totally uneventful. Thank you Blackpool for being so liberal.
So Saturday night is always a better night so the glam rags came on. I had problems again with hair dye. Friday dyed it and it came out light purple! Had another bash the next night going all black. Been years since I was this dark and keen on feedback if people think it suits me? Will in time get it done properly but in the interim enjoying playing around with styles and colours. Managed to lower my fringe with styling but I think I'll need to get one properly cut in. Always had quite a large forehead and getting a complex about it now.
So below is an untouched photo of me before I went out. Quite pleased actually but still a work in progress
Another great night had. Dark Fruits by Strongbow is my female choice of drink. Hint lol. I can really let my inner gurl out on these nights. Dancing, chatting in the loos about make up (ladies loos by the way and no one flinched) and singing along to the Steps medley doing some of the actions!
Only one slight downer. I think I looked quite good and hopefully attractive but no interest shown at all. The bars are trans bars and the crowd is mixed. I know im tall especially in heels but I was still disappointed. I have a hole in my life at the moment of feeling quite unloved both superficially and more so on a deep emotional level. The lack of any real approach on any night out is rather salt in an open wound right now.
Apart from that and the usual miserable journey home knowing shes back in her box again it was a fab weekend. The action of leaving Amanda behind is increasingly painful to me and very much not what I want and deep down need. So I've go to plan the next one to keep me going pending my own digs.
One last thing. The club at the end of the night played "This is me" from The Greatest Showman. Never heard this before and whilst aware of the film I hadn't intended seeing it. Think that may change now.
Click on the link to the lyrics video
You Tube - Lyrics video
This is my theme tune now. This resonated so deeply with me and instantly. I was quite affected by this. I know the context is not as per the film but the words sum up my past and my future.
Thanks as always for reading. Please feel free to share and comment indeed I now welcome it. Ask anything and I'll do my best to answer.
Take care
Amanda
xxx
Writing this blog after a long weekend in Blackpool.Stayed at the fabulous Scarlets hotel and heartily recommend it to any transwoman who wants a safe and enjoyable night out. Absolute national treasures are the owners.
Friday was my birthday so day off work and went up there with a spring in my step. Had planned to wear a Per Una jump suit with heels and my new biker jacket (the summer we are having and this weekend was wet!) However the practicalities of no way in or out for the loo in a jumpsuit forced a change into a spotted dress and boots.
Great night had apart from a small faux pas at the end. Great company though as always. I have made some special friends on these trips.
Next morning a fry up to clear the system. Now to those who have binged on my old posts or been with me at the start you may recall that on previous trips I have had issues with confidence and being me in a "non village" area. Well armed with new pink satin trainers, jeans, new tshirt with a big heart on it and aforesaid jacket and off into town shopping and generally just being me. No confidence issues at all. Bargain new top from Debenhams (70% off) and after a short break out for a few afternoon scoops. The Flying Handbag - great name for a bar!
I know its not my home town and I'm yet to go out local to me but the confidence is sky high now. A few kids did double takes which was comical but apart from that totally uneventful. Thank you Blackpool for being so liberal.
So Saturday night is always a better night so the glam rags came on. I had problems again with hair dye. Friday dyed it and it came out light purple! Had another bash the next night going all black. Been years since I was this dark and keen on feedback if people think it suits me? Will in time get it done properly but in the interim enjoying playing around with styles and colours. Managed to lower my fringe with styling but I think I'll need to get one properly cut in. Always had quite a large forehead and getting a complex about it now.
So below is an untouched photo of me before I went out. Quite pleased actually but still a work in progress
Another great night had. Dark Fruits by Strongbow is my female choice of drink. Hint lol. I can really let my inner gurl out on these nights. Dancing, chatting in the loos about make up (ladies loos by the way and no one flinched) and singing along to the Steps medley doing some of the actions!
Only one slight downer. I think I looked quite good and hopefully attractive but no interest shown at all. The bars are trans bars and the crowd is mixed. I know im tall especially in heels but I was still disappointed. I have a hole in my life at the moment of feeling quite unloved both superficially and more so on a deep emotional level. The lack of any real approach on any night out is rather salt in an open wound right now.
Apart from that and the usual miserable journey home knowing shes back in her box again it was a fab weekend. The action of leaving Amanda behind is increasingly painful to me and very much not what I want and deep down need. So I've go to plan the next one to keep me going pending my own digs.
One last thing. The club at the end of the night played "This is me" from The Greatest Showman. Never heard this before and whilst aware of the film I hadn't intended seeing it. Think that may change now.
Click on the link to the lyrics video
You Tube - Lyrics video
This is my theme tune now. This resonated so deeply with me and instantly. I was quite affected by this. I know the context is not as per the film but the words sum up my past and my future.
Thanks as always for reading. Please feel free to share and comment indeed I now welcome it. Ask anything and I'll do my best to answer.
Take care
Amanda
xxx
Comments
Post a Comment