Milestones
Hi everyone.
Well I cant believe it but in the just over 18 months of this blog, I have hit episode 41 (this) and over 7000 page hits. Indeed I'm well on the way to 8000. I am truly humbled that such interest exists. I just thought when I started this that I would just detail my thoughts and feelings and hoped a few friends may pop by and save asking me loads of questions. The latter certainly has taken place as no one asks me anything!
Been a few weeks and not a lot has changed. I am off on my travels next week. Birmingham, Bristol (Wedding) and Brighton. Weather is looking dry and not overly warm so should be good. Ill be packing only for Amanda so big period in my life and a big step towards my future. I naturally feel nervous. I will be on my own by and large and in places where I am not used to but the latter gives me some element of reassurance as I am unlikely to be back in the near future lol. The wedding will be amazing and I feel very confident about it. Having friends there makes all the difference.
I intend to have a few nights out and again whilst on my own, if I can find a corner and have time to be myself I will be happy and you never know I might strike up a friendship or two on my travels
Domestically nothing much has changed, still waiting for the house to sell which is like waiting in the warm up area for the 100m. Once on the blocks then it will be a quick dash to get to where I want to be. My mind is clear on that now.
However whats the saying, you can choose your friends not your family. The former have been excellent, the latter less so. My father continues to trouble me. He seems to be under the idea this is a choice. This is something I should just suppress indefinitely not for my well being but for that of others. It would appear he has made his mind up that if I proceed on my intended path, then it will be carnage domestically for me and I will lose all my family. I don't deny it will be difficult and tough for some, but I can no longer live as I am now. Am I supposed to live the rest of my life in denial. It sounds selfish but I must live for me. I live my life 24hrs a day 7 days a week. In the future family may only see me once a week or less. I cant sacrifice my own happiness for others. I'm sorry but I wouldn't expect anything less from them if the tables were reversed. One life, one chance, take it.
Fortunately my sons future employers were suitably decked out for Pride this week so an open and diverse environment my help him understand in time. My brother has apparently shown concern although that came through my Dad so not sure how much is true. FFS that's the first time in 40 years and I suspect its more about his image and how it reflects on him than genuine concern for me.
Had another haircut. Side part has gone. Had too much of a forehead so back to centre part but got a fringe cut in. A lot happier as looks more natural and feminine. Will dye it again this coming weekend and so tempted to go a a redhead. Will think about it but regardless the roots need doing lol.
When I am away will top up my make up collection and start buying stuff to wear for work. It is time now to start thinking like this. Ive also looked at deed poll for name change and thinking about my witnesses. I need two so if you are asked, please take it as a compliment. If you dont feel capable of doing this, I wont be upset at all.
If you know me from work, then pencil in the 5th October. Friday night out in the village in Manchester with Amanda. One drink or the whole night, I would be honored to see you there. Im booked in a hotel so I dont care lol.
Thanks as always for listening. I would say ask questions but no one is.
Love
Amanda
XXX
Well I cant believe it but in the just over 18 months of this blog, I have hit episode 41 (this) and over 7000 page hits. Indeed I'm well on the way to 8000. I am truly humbled that such interest exists. I just thought when I started this that I would just detail my thoughts and feelings and hoped a few friends may pop by and save asking me loads of questions. The latter certainly has taken place as no one asks me anything!
Been a few weeks and not a lot has changed. I am off on my travels next week. Birmingham, Bristol (Wedding) and Brighton. Weather is looking dry and not overly warm so should be good. Ill be packing only for Amanda so big period in my life and a big step towards my future. I naturally feel nervous. I will be on my own by and large and in places where I am not used to but the latter gives me some element of reassurance as I am unlikely to be back in the near future lol. The wedding will be amazing and I feel very confident about it. Having friends there makes all the difference.
I intend to have a few nights out and again whilst on my own, if I can find a corner and have time to be myself I will be happy and you never know I might strike up a friendship or two on my travels
Domestically nothing much has changed, still waiting for the house to sell which is like waiting in the warm up area for the 100m. Once on the blocks then it will be a quick dash to get to where I want to be. My mind is clear on that now.
However whats the saying, you can choose your friends not your family. The former have been excellent, the latter less so. My father continues to trouble me. He seems to be under the idea this is a choice. This is something I should just suppress indefinitely not for my well being but for that of others. It would appear he has made his mind up that if I proceed on my intended path, then it will be carnage domestically for me and I will lose all my family. I don't deny it will be difficult and tough for some, but I can no longer live as I am now. Am I supposed to live the rest of my life in denial. It sounds selfish but I must live for me. I live my life 24hrs a day 7 days a week. In the future family may only see me once a week or less. I cant sacrifice my own happiness for others. I'm sorry but I wouldn't expect anything less from them if the tables were reversed. One life, one chance, take it.
Fortunately my sons future employers were suitably decked out for Pride this week so an open and diverse environment my help him understand in time. My brother has apparently shown concern although that came through my Dad so not sure how much is true. FFS that's the first time in 40 years and I suspect its more about his image and how it reflects on him than genuine concern for me.
Had another haircut. Side part has gone. Had too much of a forehead so back to centre part but got a fringe cut in. A lot happier as looks more natural and feminine. Will dye it again this coming weekend and so tempted to go a a redhead. Will think about it but regardless the roots need doing lol.
When I am away will top up my make up collection and start buying stuff to wear for work. It is time now to start thinking like this. Ive also looked at deed poll for name change and thinking about my witnesses. I need two so if you are asked, please take it as a compliment. If you dont feel capable of doing this, I wont be upset at all.
If you know me from work, then pencil in the 5th October. Friday night out in the village in Manchester with Amanda. One drink or the whole night, I would be honored to see you there. Im booked in a hotel so I dont care lol.
Thanks as always for listening. I would say ask questions but no one is.
Love
Amanda
XXX
Can’t wait for the big night.
ReplyDeleteAre you thinking of hormones at some point?
ReplyDeleteIdeally within the next 12 mths but it is complex balancing referral to a GIC and starting a process like that off.
Delete