Pride and Prejudice
Hi all.
Taken me weeks before I could shoe horn that title into the blogs!
So where are we. Well I popped along to Liverpool Pride incognito in my male guise. Loved the relaxed atmos and the fact people could be who they want. Noticed mainly younger generation and the future is therefore a lot more tolerant. Got some rainbow laces which I will used. A few trans girls wandering around which was good.
If I'm where I want to be at that point then I will certainly be getting involved and showing support to all others. I can see me becoming quite a pride devotee in 2019. Did feel a little awkward not as Amanda but not yet there.
Which leads me to an update. Any last doubts have gone. I have (as I do) thought long and hard about all the scenarios. I really dont want to be my male alter ego anymore. Note the change in context? I now view male self as my alter ego not Amanda. Amanda is who I should have been and will be. I think as Amanda now and plan my life as her. I look to next year and know who I will be. Its very liberating and refreshing. I am happier in myself than I have been for a while.
Except one small thing. I am a a loving person. I like to be loved as well and the need for intimacy and perhaps a close relationship will exist. The world is a varied place and I know there are a lot out there who like transwomen but I am worried that I wont be able to find a new relationship as me. Its not about "passing". Being tall I will always stand out and look unlike the perfect woman. I know that and I do my best to look as good as I can. I hope from what people have seen that its a fair effort. It sa bit more than that, its more about me as a human, as a person who has needs.
Im not hard work and those that know me know Im easy to get on with but its been a long time since I had the need to consider dating and was rubbish at it first time although I now know why! Altogether a different proposition as a female and I hope I have the chance to be wooed and chased so to speak. At this moment in time I don't feel very loved or wanted. My emotions are quite fragile and I just feel stuck and lost. I hope in time that will go.
To finish with a few updates. I was going to have a night out in the village in Manchester to let people who want to meet Amanda. It will still happen but Ive decided to put it back a bit until after my holiday. As I will be Amanda entirely for 9 days on holiday then I think I need to get that out of my system to fine tune what I intend to show off to work.
Hotels are booked and looking forward to a relaxing time and more importantly some nights out as Amanda. Hopefully that will assist in killing off any preconceptions about who and what I am. I feel confident enough to go out on my own and see what happens. As I said I am tall lol.
At the least its a chance to get to wear all my clothes and look fabulous. I also am so excited for the wedding. Still cant believe Amanda is going to a wedding. I feel honored. I expect a lot of happy tears that day.
A few more people have found out. 1 at work, 1 at football and interestingly a close friend I lost touch with in recent years. I received a friend request on Facebook. I hesitated for a second but then I thought he knows already and at least he wanted to know me. We haven't chatted yet but Id like to so I can explain to him.
Fashion wise, new shoes (cone heel slingbacks - very comfy) and a few dresses (one that will do for work) are in the wardrobe. Building my holiday clothes and nearly done. Once I come back I then start on the work wardrobe and have a gift card that i'll use to buy a tailored skirt suit. As a lawyer I will need one. Flats as well also but I may sneak some heels in LOL.
Until next time, I implore you please ask anything!! If anyone ask you, please point them here.
Love and hugs
Amanda
xxx
Taken me weeks before I could shoe horn that title into the blogs!
So where are we. Well I popped along to Liverpool Pride incognito in my male guise. Loved the relaxed atmos and the fact people could be who they want. Noticed mainly younger generation and the future is therefore a lot more tolerant. Got some rainbow laces which I will used. A few trans girls wandering around which was good.
If I'm where I want to be at that point then I will certainly be getting involved and showing support to all others. I can see me becoming quite a pride devotee in 2019. Did feel a little awkward not as Amanda but not yet there.
Which leads me to an update. Any last doubts have gone. I have (as I do) thought long and hard about all the scenarios. I really dont want to be my male alter ego anymore. Note the change in context? I now view male self as my alter ego not Amanda. Amanda is who I should have been and will be. I think as Amanda now and plan my life as her. I look to next year and know who I will be. Its very liberating and refreshing. I am happier in myself than I have been for a while.
Except one small thing. I am a a loving person. I like to be loved as well and the need for intimacy and perhaps a close relationship will exist. The world is a varied place and I know there are a lot out there who like transwomen but I am worried that I wont be able to find a new relationship as me. Its not about "passing". Being tall I will always stand out and look unlike the perfect woman. I know that and I do my best to look as good as I can. I hope from what people have seen that its a fair effort. It sa bit more than that, its more about me as a human, as a person who has needs.
Im not hard work and those that know me know Im easy to get on with but its been a long time since I had the need to consider dating and was rubbish at it first time although I now know why! Altogether a different proposition as a female and I hope I have the chance to be wooed and chased so to speak. At this moment in time I don't feel very loved or wanted. My emotions are quite fragile and I just feel stuck and lost. I hope in time that will go.
To finish with a few updates. I was going to have a night out in the village in Manchester to let people who want to meet Amanda. It will still happen but Ive decided to put it back a bit until after my holiday. As I will be Amanda entirely for 9 days on holiday then I think I need to get that out of my system to fine tune what I intend to show off to work.
Hotels are booked and looking forward to a relaxing time and more importantly some nights out as Amanda. Hopefully that will assist in killing off any preconceptions about who and what I am. I feel confident enough to go out on my own and see what happens. As I said I am tall lol.
At the least its a chance to get to wear all my clothes and look fabulous. I also am so excited for the wedding. Still cant believe Amanda is going to a wedding. I feel honored. I expect a lot of happy tears that day.
A few more people have found out. 1 at work, 1 at football and interestingly a close friend I lost touch with in recent years. I received a friend request on Facebook. I hesitated for a second but then I thought he knows already and at least he wanted to know me. We haven't chatted yet but Id like to so I can explain to him.
Fashion wise, new shoes (cone heel slingbacks - very comfy) and a few dresses (one that will do for work) are in the wardrobe. Building my holiday clothes and nearly done. Once I come back I then start on the work wardrobe and have a gift card that i'll use to buy a tailored skirt suit. As a lawyer I will need one. Flats as well also but I may sneak some heels in LOL.
Until next time, I implore you please ask anything!! If anyone ask you, please point them here.
Love and hugs
Amanda
xxx
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