The Trip - The Epilogue
Hi all.
Thanks as always for your continued interest in my life and happenings. I remember all 70s detective shows had epilogues at the end to summarize what had happened. This seems like an apt phrase to use on my blog after the events of the last week or more.
It was a real throw myself into the deep end week or so. I knew I had to do this. It all well and good in your mind having ideas and thoughts but until you actually face them, then you cant be certain how you and others will react.
It was in part a sort of dry run. Could I do it and would the world accept me. Yes to the former and quite likely to the latter.
Firstly I left the confines of the northwest in male clothing. All bar one hotel had been booked in my male name. I had two male t-shirts and one pair of jeans for going and returning. You will recall I hope, that I wear only female undies now and have been for about 4 months. So even if I wanted to, I couldnt back out.
Arrival therefore at the first hotel wasnt ever going to be an issue in that the name matched the look. Within an hour or two, I was changed and ready for the world to see me differently. To be honest there was no effect. Over the three days there, I wondered around as Amanda without any issue. Breakfast in the hotel each morning was unremarkeable.
I managed 2 nights out in their village. I tended to snack rather than sit in restaurants on my own. Thats just a single traveler issue as opposed to any Amanda issue. I just prefer company when eating formally. However the Equator bar was very welcoming notably on my last night when the local trans group had a meeting and they welcomed me to join them. It felt nice to be part of a familiar bunch.
Next morning checked out and drove to my pre wedding pub. This could be a test - rural - not tranny central and not as cosmopolitan a clientele. Lovely B&B and lovely staff. Didnt flinch at my appearance contrary to the booked name.
The eve of the wedding, met the bride and family and friends. Nervous for this I was. Would I be accepted. My dear friend took me round and introduced me simply as Amanda. Now I know some knew my back story but most didnt. I was just accepted immediately and really relaxed.
The wedding was to be a bit more tricky although here I was checked in as Amanda and on all the settings, plans as Amanda. Socially mixing, dressed appropriately and again meeting more people. It did at first seem odd being called Amanda but within hours it became second nature and I started naturally reacting to my name. One or two asked about being trans but it was in a genuine inquiry way nothing more. What was different was the groups when chatting, There seemed a natural acceptance by females and we chatted as if I belonged. It didnt feel forced, it felt right.
I wasnt however ostracized from the male community either and really was felt entirely at ease all day. It was special to be asked in the first place. I was further special to see my friend gloriously happy. The icing on the cake was to simply fit in. The people attending were simply so accepting.
It was emotional for me on a lot of levels. The wedding of my friend caused a few tears. The enormity of the acceptance caused a few more. Even changing into a newly purchased LBD and heels for the night time just felt so natural.
I now own an adrianna papell dress. https://www.adriannapapell.com/. This is a brand I have admired for a very long time and a LBD from this range is heaven for me.
On the wedding day, I was in a Phase Eight lace dress, Rosie by Autograph peach silk basque underneath with 8 denier hold ups in nude. I covered it with a Next tailored jacket, nude New Look midi heels and a designer hat from ebay. The bag was an existing gold clutch I had from Next also plus some new earrings (still clips for now) and matching necklace.
I felt amazing. All came off as I hoped save for the hair which was a little rushed. The hat stayed on until after the breakfast so avoid a very odd hair do!
I partyied all night and the communal breakfast the next day was again seamless. I am mastering the art of casual and glam and switching from one to the other. The final part of the trip was off to Brighton somewhat known for its liberal attitude and acceptance of LGBT issues.
3 days and 4 nights. Day one and the weather was glorious, so it was a beach and pier day. Above knee skirt, pink trainers and new pink blouse. Nude hold ups which whilst held up, did ladder very easily.
Again no issues. Checked in a female but with male name. walked along the front and no second glances. Even on the pier nothing.
Evening was a mooch round the bars of Brighton. Must admit there are plenty of gay bars but not many trans orientated or even trans popular - in 3 nights saw 1 trans girl. Ended up each night in the Queens Arms and their nightly cabaret. Drag of course and in the best Lily Savage style, was as caustic as they come. Hilarious and the community was accepting of me, even the hen nights got chatting to me. Not what I expected but not at all a problem.
Saturday was shopping. Only occasion where I had an "issue". Walked into New Look just as a late middle aged couple were walking from one side of the store to another. Husband spotted me and did a very obvious double take. From the 2nd look I knew it wasnt a quick check over (which I never mind if people smile) but more critical. As I went up the escalator, I glanced back to see me being pointed to and his wife told who also stared. Not one to let things drop, I beemed my biggest smile back. It is that age group I ironically have both the most suitors (lol) and the most problems. Weird.
I had noticed how cheap it was on a train to London on the Sunday (£12 return and 70 mins each way) so thought why not. Stopped in Superdrug for drinks and snacks and the only girl working their was lovely. Great if long day out included all the main sights, the whole of Oxford Street and the end of the Tour of Britain cycling. Home to feet up and a few fruit ciders.
Drove back today in male mode and must admit to tears on leaving. Ive cried a lot this week and aren't even on hormones yet.
I had in the first trip blog alluded to some things but I'll add to that now.
- I miss my boobs and wearing a bra. Once I had found which were the best I had for a day, I really became used to them and living with them. 38C if you are interested.
- I miss my handbag. Bought in Barcelona a few years back (Desigual) and loved carrying it with my purse also which I now miss. It felt so part of me all during the break.
- I am learning to love casual. I perhaps need more industrial strength knickers to hide anything but I am starting to "tuck" quite well. Skirts are easier but I did tend to live in jeans. More flat / low shoes / trainers needed.
- The voice is coming together but I do at the moment naturally slip. I am not overly bothered as with my height it will always be difficult to be totally convincing.
- My daily routine did get well refined but I know I can do better. Living out of a suitcase is never fun and once better organized I can and will be better.
- I can wear my hair up and still look fem. All day in London with a pony tail and fringe. Some hair accessories (ordered) and pierced ears will help with this further.
- I may have to buy tights. Better with a short skirt and 20 denier better for structure. So be it.
- I love hats!
- I need a manicure. My nail skills are lacking. Better for the wedding but took ages
I would give myself a mark of 85%. Did most of what I felt I had to. Communal toilet trips were avoided and didnt get to try anything on in a shop yet. The rest went fabulously smooth and a disarming smile killed the one iffy period.
Confidence is no longer an issue for 95% of the time. A few minor issues to iron out and ill be there. No one really cares especially if you are nice, you engage them and are spending money LOL.
So where now? Well I am ready I think now for whatever the world throws at me and I am certain beyond any doubt that Amanda is who I was meant to be. I am still worried about relationships as much rather do all this with someone than on my own. However I am sure that will resolve within time.
Next up is the works icebreaker on the 5th. Mulling over what to wear for that. Full on glam? Biker chic look? Ex office worker to match them? Chilled casual?
Not sure but one thing I know, there wont be any lack of confidence. Apologies for the length of this. Lots to cover but in short I am very content with who I am, where I am going and who I will be. Anyone want to buy a house and get the divorce going?
Take care and thanks
Amanda GH
xxxx
Thanks as always for your continued interest in my life and happenings. I remember all 70s detective shows had epilogues at the end to summarize what had happened. This seems like an apt phrase to use on my blog after the events of the last week or more.
It was a real throw myself into the deep end week or so. I knew I had to do this. It all well and good in your mind having ideas and thoughts but until you actually face them, then you cant be certain how you and others will react.
It was in part a sort of dry run. Could I do it and would the world accept me. Yes to the former and quite likely to the latter.
Firstly I left the confines of the northwest in male clothing. All bar one hotel had been booked in my male name. I had two male t-shirts and one pair of jeans for going and returning. You will recall I hope, that I wear only female undies now and have been for about 4 months. So even if I wanted to, I couldnt back out.
Arrival therefore at the first hotel wasnt ever going to be an issue in that the name matched the look. Within an hour or two, I was changed and ready for the world to see me differently. To be honest there was no effect. Over the three days there, I wondered around as Amanda without any issue. Breakfast in the hotel each morning was unremarkeable.
I managed 2 nights out in their village. I tended to snack rather than sit in restaurants on my own. Thats just a single traveler issue as opposed to any Amanda issue. I just prefer company when eating formally. However the Equator bar was very welcoming notably on my last night when the local trans group had a meeting and they welcomed me to join them. It felt nice to be part of a familiar bunch.
Next morning checked out and drove to my pre wedding pub. This could be a test - rural - not tranny central and not as cosmopolitan a clientele. Lovely B&B and lovely staff. Didnt flinch at my appearance contrary to the booked name.
The eve of the wedding, met the bride and family and friends. Nervous for this I was. Would I be accepted. My dear friend took me round and introduced me simply as Amanda. Now I know some knew my back story but most didnt. I was just accepted immediately and really relaxed.
The wedding was to be a bit more tricky although here I was checked in as Amanda and on all the settings, plans as Amanda. Socially mixing, dressed appropriately and again meeting more people. It did at first seem odd being called Amanda but within hours it became second nature and I started naturally reacting to my name. One or two asked about being trans but it was in a genuine inquiry way nothing more. What was different was the groups when chatting, There seemed a natural acceptance by females and we chatted as if I belonged. It didnt feel forced, it felt right.
I wasnt however ostracized from the male community either and really was felt entirely at ease all day. It was special to be asked in the first place. I was further special to see my friend gloriously happy. The icing on the cake was to simply fit in. The people attending were simply so accepting.
It was emotional for me on a lot of levels. The wedding of my friend caused a few tears. The enormity of the acceptance caused a few more. Even changing into a newly purchased LBD and heels for the night time just felt so natural.
I now own an adrianna papell dress. https://www.adriannapapell.com/. This is a brand I have admired for a very long time and a LBD from this range is heaven for me.
On the wedding day, I was in a Phase Eight lace dress, Rosie by Autograph peach silk basque underneath with 8 denier hold ups in nude. I covered it with a Next tailored jacket, nude New Look midi heels and a designer hat from ebay. The bag was an existing gold clutch I had from Next also plus some new earrings (still clips for now) and matching necklace.
I felt amazing. All came off as I hoped save for the hair which was a little rushed. The hat stayed on until after the breakfast so avoid a very odd hair do!
I partyied all night and the communal breakfast the next day was again seamless. I am mastering the art of casual and glam and switching from one to the other. The final part of the trip was off to Brighton somewhat known for its liberal attitude and acceptance of LGBT issues.
3 days and 4 nights. Day one and the weather was glorious, so it was a beach and pier day. Above knee skirt, pink trainers and new pink blouse. Nude hold ups which whilst held up, did ladder very easily.
Again no issues. Checked in a female but with male name. walked along the front and no second glances. Even on the pier nothing.
Evening was a mooch round the bars of Brighton. Must admit there are plenty of gay bars but not many trans orientated or even trans popular - in 3 nights saw 1 trans girl. Ended up each night in the Queens Arms and their nightly cabaret. Drag of course and in the best Lily Savage style, was as caustic as they come. Hilarious and the community was accepting of me, even the hen nights got chatting to me. Not what I expected but not at all a problem.
Saturday was shopping. Only occasion where I had an "issue". Walked into New Look just as a late middle aged couple were walking from one side of the store to another. Husband spotted me and did a very obvious double take. From the 2nd look I knew it wasnt a quick check over (which I never mind if people smile) but more critical. As I went up the escalator, I glanced back to see me being pointed to and his wife told who also stared. Not one to let things drop, I beemed my biggest smile back. It is that age group I ironically have both the most suitors (lol) and the most problems. Weird.
I had noticed how cheap it was on a train to London on the Sunday (£12 return and 70 mins each way) so thought why not. Stopped in Superdrug for drinks and snacks and the only girl working their was lovely. Great if long day out included all the main sights, the whole of Oxford Street and the end of the Tour of Britain cycling. Home to feet up and a few fruit ciders.
Drove back today in male mode and must admit to tears on leaving. Ive cried a lot this week and aren't even on hormones yet.
I had in the first trip blog alluded to some things but I'll add to that now.
- I miss my boobs and wearing a bra. Once I had found which were the best I had for a day, I really became used to them and living with them. 38C if you are interested.
- I miss my handbag. Bought in Barcelona a few years back (Desigual) and loved carrying it with my purse also which I now miss. It felt so part of me all during the break.
- I am learning to love casual. I perhaps need more industrial strength knickers to hide anything but I am starting to "tuck" quite well. Skirts are easier but I did tend to live in jeans. More flat / low shoes / trainers needed.
- The voice is coming together but I do at the moment naturally slip. I am not overly bothered as with my height it will always be difficult to be totally convincing.
- My daily routine did get well refined but I know I can do better. Living out of a suitcase is never fun and once better organized I can and will be better.
- I can wear my hair up and still look fem. All day in London with a pony tail and fringe. Some hair accessories (ordered) and pierced ears will help with this further.
- I may have to buy tights. Better with a short skirt and 20 denier better for structure. So be it.
- I love hats!
- I need a manicure. My nail skills are lacking. Better for the wedding but took ages
I would give myself a mark of 85%. Did most of what I felt I had to. Communal toilet trips were avoided and didnt get to try anything on in a shop yet. The rest went fabulously smooth and a disarming smile killed the one iffy period.
Confidence is no longer an issue for 95% of the time. A few minor issues to iron out and ill be there. No one really cares especially if you are nice, you engage them and are spending money LOL.
So where now? Well I am ready I think now for whatever the world throws at me and I am certain beyond any doubt that Amanda is who I was meant to be. I am still worried about relationships as much rather do all this with someone than on my own. However I am sure that will resolve within time.
Next up is the works icebreaker on the 5th. Mulling over what to wear for that. Full on glam? Biker chic look? Ex office worker to match them? Chilled casual?
Not sure but one thing I know, there wont be any lack of confidence. Apologies for the length of this. Lots to cover but in short I am very content with who I am, where I am going and who I will be. Anyone want to buy a house and get the divorce going?
Take care and thanks
Amanda GH
xxxx
Great summary x
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