Influences
Hello again.
Thanks for reading the blog and pay a visit to the index page (search Index no surprise) to get a look at the back catalogue.
Before I move onto the main content of this blog, I just thought I would share a few stats. The blog gives me details of your location, operating system and which browser you have used.
I would therefore like to welcome the 23 still on Unix, 5% on Linux and 8% on IPad. iPhones beat Android but lag behind Windows!
I also welcome my readers outside of the UK notably India, Germany and lately Ukraine. No sign of Vanuatu yet but I remain hopeful!
So whilst I am gearing up to the office Xmas party attending as Amanda on the 14th, I will in the interim cite a few key influences which have molded Amanda to be who I am.
Growing up you naturally look to icons in the world of music, television and fashion. You wont be surprised to realize that they were mainly female.
Despite Star Wars being huge in my 1st decade, Leia's white outfit didnt do it for me until much later. The Return of the Jedi bikini I still dont like to this day. However the explosion of Sci-Fi in this period did lead me to Colonel Wilma Dearing!
Yup Buck Rogers in the 25th Century! Thankfully someone has uploaded to YouTube the entire back catalogue. Watch (and now cringe) at your leisure. Looking back though she was a strong and attractive female character. Perhaps something I needed at that point in my life.
Another fictional character who I was drawn to on a Saturday nights entertainment was Wonder Woman. Ironically another strong female character but somewhat different from the current version.
I dont deny a love of sci-fi on screen at that age or indeed now. I dont have much of an imagination and these characters gave me an insight into worlds I couldnt comprehend. Its escapism nothing less. I still dont read sci-fi as my brain isnt wired to imagine the written word as an image. These series / films also looking back gave me strong female role models albeit in the 1970s. Add in Olivia Newton John at the end of Grease (spray on trousers + heels) and you have the complete set.
The 80s had the explosion of new romanticism. A musical genre where men arguably wore more make up than women. Google David Sylvian of Japan or Steve Strange of Visage. This was the era of what I think was the start of gender fluidity. Boy George etc lead the era where traditional gender roles were being blurred. This was my teenage period. Hormones, spots etc but I really started to feel that the considered norms weren't for me at that point. This was the period that when my sexuality came into doubt but I didnt know at that point that the same was perhaps tied to my gender identity.
Yes I had the 1985 Madonna calendar on my wall (Papa Dont Preach era) but I wanted to be her more than...well you know what teenage boys should think. The strong female characters on television also attracted me more. Yes I wanted to be the french waitresses in Allo Allo or Harriet Makepeace (more Goggling needed). No male characters, actors or musicians really stood out for me at this time.
At home or within my friends circle, the male influence was strong purely in terms of numbers. Friends mainly had brothers rather than sisters for example. I had no real role models of any gender close to me mainly because I felt different. Female icons had to be found elsewhere. Dynasty and Dallas helped. Oh did I love that era of mega glam in the 80s. Emma Sams, Stephanie Beacham and Victoria Principal were my icons of that era.
The 90s were a mess. I focused on music, following unknown bands locally and trying to be the man I thought I should have been but at the same time secretly stashing clothes to wear. It was a period of particular difficult mental health issues and looking back I think I was just cruising blindly through that decade. It was a struggle to just get by at times and really retreated into my shell. I cannot recall many influences in that period. I think mainly I shut down and went into default mode.
However when I found the internet in 2000 I awoke. I got trans friends online and a few helped me in the right direction. Their influence was profound and helped me develop exponentially quick. I am no longer in touch but I thank them from the deepest part of my heart.
I wont repeat the problems of being married and having this hanging over me as Ive covered this elsewhere. However periodically people passed through my life on and off line and guided me towards where I am now. I started looking around more. Instead of being influenced by famous people I realised if I was to be Amanda that I would have to be influenced by regular people.
Yes I still looked as we all do (Dana Scully gets an honorable mention and the enduring Helen Mirren) to people you admired but if you worked with me or passed through my life in the last 10 - 15 years and were female then I think you have had some influence on me. I have watched and learned. I hope I have become a better person for it. I know I have become more complete. You have my deepest thanks.
In recent years I have really embraced my inner self. Yes people exist outside my day to day life that have influenced me. I have followed other blogs, followed organizations like the LGBT Foundation, Stonewall and TransActual to understand the realities of trans life and the politics involved. I have always been politically aware and understanding of the nuances of political life. My very logical brain seems able to calculate and work out issues where emotionally I have been lacking. I think in time the inner trans activist may well come to the fore. They have helped shape my characteristics and how I should appear to the world.
I have read trans related books. I can recommend Christine Burns "Trans Britain" for a historical perspective (we have been around years by the way) Juno Dawson "The Gender Games" for how you grow up as trans and cant understand it. Also check out "The New Girl" by Rhyannon Styles. These opened my eyes and informed. I hope they can do this for you.
My clothes and style generally are well defined now. My age and build precludes certain styles but I am still heavily influenced by the glamour of Hollywood and the business community I have always worked in. Strong classic lines are still staples in my wardrobe. Think Mad Men, Ally McBeal, Chicago (yes im a secret showgirl) and Dita Von Tesse all rolled into one!!! Throw in a bit of Sally Bowles for good measure and you have my tastes all wrapped up.
However more importantly certain people have crossed my path in the last 5 years or so that have had huge influence on me. Friends who have embraced my coming out without question and become better friends. Female and male, gender has been irrelevant. Its still quite raw and emotional for me and I apologize for the tears.
Some stand out as special. Friends who say that my gender identity doesn't matter. That's special.
A few more have been crucial. One who supported me in the early days after I had decided to embrace who I was and helped me each step of the way. Questions were answered and wrongs righted. I will forever be grateful. In more recent times two people have supported me and continue to support and encourage me. I get called brave by them but if there is any bravery (see previous posts) then I couldn't have done it without them.
So that's where I am at. Strong female characters appear to be a reoccurring theme then and even now. I am at ease and ready to move forward. All the above made me who I am as did the bad times. Hopefully the forthcoming party will be the icing on the end of a pretty special year and set me up for a new year which I am beyond excited about.
Thanks as always for reading. Feel free to comment or ask questions.
Unless anything big happens in the next two weeks then I'll update after the party.
Take Care
Amanda
xx
P.s. Voice practicing is going well.
Thanks for reading the blog and pay a visit to the index page (search Index no surprise) to get a look at the back catalogue.
Before I move onto the main content of this blog, I just thought I would share a few stats. The blog gives me details of your location, operating system and which browser you have used.
I would therefore like to welcome the 23 still on Unix, 5% on Linux and 8% on IPad. iPhones beat Android but lag behind Windows!
I also welcome my readers outside of the UK notably India, Germany and lately Ukraine. No sign of Vanuatu yet but I remain hopeful!
So whilst I am gearing up to the office Xmas party attending as Amanda on the 14th, I will in the interim cite a few key influences which have molded Amanda to be who I am.
Growing up you naturally look to icons in the world of music, television and fashion. You wont be surprised to realize that they were mainly female.
Despite Star Wars being huge in my 1st decade, Leia's white outfit didnt do it for me until much later. The Return of the Jedi bikini I still dont like to this day. However the explosion of Sci-Fi in this period did lead me to Colonel Wilma Dearing!
Another fictional character who I was drawn to on a Saturday nights entertainment was Wonder Woman. Ironically another strong female character but somewhat different from the current version.
I dont deny a love of sci-fi on screen at that age or indeed now. I dont have much of an imagination and these characters gave me an insight into worlds I couldnt comprehend. Its escapism nothing less. I still dont read sci-fi as my brain isnt wired to imagine the written word as an image. These series / films also looking back gave me strong female role models albeit in the 1970s. Add in Olivia Newton John at the end of Grease (spray on trousers + heels) and you have the complete set.
The 80s had the explosion of new romanticism. A musical genre where men arguably wore more make up than women. Google David Sylvian of Japan or Steve Strange of Visage. This was the era of what I think was the start of gender fluidity. Boy George etc lead the era where traditional gender roles were being blurred. This was my teenage period. Hormones, spots etc but I really started to feel that the considered norms weren't for me at that point. This was the period that when my sexuality came into doubt but I didnt know at that point that the same was perhaps tied to my gender identity.
Yes I had the 1985 Madonna calendar on my wall (Papa Dont Preach era) but I wanted to be her more than...well you know what teenage boys should think. The strong female characters on television also attracted me more. Yes I wanted to be the french waitresses in Allo Allo or Harriet Makepeace (more Goggling needed). No male characters, actors or musicians really stood out for me at this time.
At home or within my friends circle, the male influence was strong purely in terms of numbers. Friends mainly had brothers rather than sisters for example. I had no real role models of any gender close to me mainly because I felt different. Female icons had to be found elsewhere. Dynasty and Dallas helped. Oh did I love that era of mega glam in the 80s. Emma Sams, Stephanie Beacham and Victoria Principal were my icons of that era.
The 90s were a mess. I focused on music, following unknown bands locally and trying to be the man I thought I should have been but at the same time secretly stashing clothes to wear. It was a period of particular difficult mental health issues and looking back I think I was just cruising blindly through that decade. It was a struggle to just get by at times and really retreated into my shell. I cannot recall many influences in that period. I think mainly I shut down and went into default mode.
However when I found the internet in 2000 I awoke. I got trans friends online and a few helped me in the right direction. Their influence was profound and helped me develop exponentially quick. I am no longer in touch but I thank them from the deepest part of my heart.
I wont repeat the problems of being married and having this hanging over me as Ive covered this elsewhere. However periodically people passed through my life on and off line and guided me towards where I am now. I started looking around more. Instead of being influenced by famous people I realised if I was to be Amanda that I would have to be influenced by regular people.
Yes I still looked as we all do (Dana Scully gets an honorable mention and the enduring Helen Mirren) to people you admired but if you worked with me or passed through my life in the last 10 - 15 years and were female then I think you have had some influence on me. I have watched and learned. I hope I have become a better person for it. I know I have become more complete. You have my deepest thanks.
In recent years I have really embraced my inner self. Yes people exist outside my day to day life that have influenced me. I have followed other blogs, followed organizations like the LGBT Foundation, Stonewall and TransActual to understand the realities of trans life and the politics involved. I have always been politically aware and understanding of the nuances of political life. My very logical brain seems able to calculate and work out issues where emotionally I have been lacking. I think in time the inner trans activist may well come to the fore. They have helped shape my characteristics and how I should appear to the world.
I have read trans related books. I can recommend Christine Burns "Trans Britain" for a historical perspective (we have been around years by the way) Juno Dawson "The Gender Games" for how you grow up as trans and cant understand it. Also check out "The New Girl" by Rhyannon Styles. These opened my eyes and informed. I hope they can do this for you.
My clothes and style generally are well defined now. My age and build precludes certain styles but I am still heavily influenced by the glamour of Hollywood and the business community I have always worked in. Strong classic lines are still staples in my wardrobe. Think Mad Men, Ally McBeal, Chicago (yes im a secret showgirl) and Dita Von Tesse all rolled into one!!! Throw in a bit of Sally Bowles for good measure and you have my tastes all wrapped up.
However more importantly certain people have crossed my path in the last 5 years or so that have had huge influence on me. Friends who have embraced my coming out without question and become better friends. Female and male, gender has been irrelevant. Its still quite raw and emotional for me and I apologize for the tears.
Some stand out as special. Friends who say that my gender identity doesn't matter. That's special.
A few more have been crucial. One who supported me in the early days after I had decided to embrace who I was and helped me each step of the way. Questions were answered and wrongs righted. I will forever be grateful. In more recent times two people have supported me and continue to support and encourage me. I get called brave by them but if there is any bravery (see previous posts) then I couldn't have done it without them.
So that's where I am at. Strong female characters appear to be a reoccurring theme then and even now. I am at ease and ready to move forward. All the above made me who I am as did the bad times. Hopefully the forthcoming party will be the icing on the end of a pretty special year and set me up for a new year which I am beyond excited about.
Thanks as always for reading. Feel free to comment or ask questions.
Unless anything big happens in the next two weeks then I'll update after the party.
Take Care
Amanda
xx
P.s. Voice practicing is going well.
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