What a year!
Hi all.
Well less than 36 hours to the end of another year so its time to look back at the last 12 months and perhaps cast an eye towards the next 12 months. 9500+ views of this blog to date and hopefully more next year..
I perhaps hoped for more progress this last year than happened but in hindsight the pace was probably about right. Overall I am on schedule in that the lessons I have learned have helped shorten the timetable going forward so overall there is no loss. I am better prepared for what is to come now so the delay has had its uses.
In 2017 I spent a lot of time coming to terms with who I was, thinking about where I was going and starting the process of accepting that and coming out. In 2018 I put that work into action. There are a few key points Id just like to look back on. (For fuller details search the index for the old blogs).
In February I took the decision to start the process of coming out at work. I e-mailed two people with strong links to the LGBT community. I hoped at that point that work would support me and I was not wrong. However the support that I got from those two individuals was exceptional and continues to be the case. I as well as having two champions supporting me, I now have two more friends. The rest of the year would not have been possible without them.
In May I took the leap of e-mailing all my colleagues in my office essentially coming out to them all. Again the support I have had since has been excellent. People who I worried about I need not have and others I had no idea would be supportive continue to surprise me. They have welcomed Amanda largely with open arms and I am grateful for this.
In September I spent 9 days solid as Amanda living a normal life. Granted there was a wedding in the middle of that which is far from normal but I felt how it would be to be Amanda every day and my friends wedding was both the cherry on top and the catalyst. That was a huge step for my acceptance.
October had the first night out with work friends when they got to meet Amanda and the late year also had the training sessions on trans issues in work which culminated in the Q&A which was the first time I stepped in work as Amanda .
The Christmas Party where the place settings were for "Amanda Hilton" was an excellent way to end the year. Emotionally it really took hold that night but it was a good emotion and one I am glad I got out of my system.
In all what a journey and one which I have enjoyed and had the privilege of living. It was by far the year I have spent most as Amanda and the prequel for 2019.
So where to next year? Firstly I am going to promise to stop thanking everyone. You know if you have read this how important certain individuals have been to me and are still. You will forever be very much part of who I am and I am and will be in your debt.
To everyone who has helped so far in supporting me or reads this in the future and has paid a pivotal role I thank you. Support and friendship are key and I value the same deeply.
So that's it, no more thanks. Just be assured that you are appreciated and I am grateful. The smile on my face and the hugs I dish out are evidence of the same. I love hugging and being hugged so feel free to hug away!
As to the rest of the year well one small thing of me entirely embracing life as Amanda and living as her full time. I hope this is sooner rather than later but these last few years have taught me patience and I know 2019 will be the year but when will be what will be.
A new place all of my own will allow me the simple things of wandering around as I want (no not naked!) and just living a normal life as the person I should be. The simplicty of life I think will be the most revealing, supermarket shopping, catching a train and working. All day to day things people take for granted. The nights out are fun but the mundane stuff I oddly am looking forward to most. I will change my name and I will call on close friends to witness those documents for me. Take that as the compliment it is.
I will also start the process of physical changes. Little things like pierced ears, eyebrow shaping, hair removal and painted nails to start with. I hope to commence my GIC referral in 2019. I don't intend to be a strain on the NHS so will seek a joint NHS and private basis pathway. Hormones are a priority and whilst I don't want to self medicate, I am not adverse to the same should I hit any resistance.
I also intend to start to be more involved in the trans community as an advocate and supporter. I hope to attend local group meetings and help educate and support. Prides will be part of this and I am looking forward to being more active in local events plus anything work considers suitable. Bristol Pride I think will be a highlight and I intend to attend and support any iniatives by work.
As to work, who knows. Big changes are afoot which may force my hand somewhat but if not then I hope to continue to be the voice of the trans community in work and help with the diversity and inclusivity agenda. If things change then full time advocacy has its merits and interests. After all one thing work has taught me is how to craft and dissect any argument.
Its also been a long time since I have had a meaningful and loving relationship. I intend to be ...ahem active in 2019 and I am open to wherever that takes me and whoever that may be with. If you are reading this and perhaps might be interested, then woo me, impress me and most of all treat me as a real lady. I hope 2019 brings me a little happiness on that front and a chance to explore being Amanda.
Wardrobe is good to go now so its a case of just supplementing things and being more glam! Its very fulfilling to now look to buy stuff I want or desire as opposed to filling a need or gap. With family parties and another possible wedding, there could be a need for a few key outfits.
There will be also the last remnants of people to come out to. This holds no fear anymore. I am what I am and so happy being so. As may have said it is their problem not mine and that applies equally to family and friends.
So last year was exceptional and this next year is looking excellent. It has been a long time since I could say that.
In July I went to Blackpool.I love Blackpool. It is vibrant and accepting. I was accompanied by another dear friend and we were out one night when a club put a song on the video screen. Later in the year at Liverpool Pride I heard a choir singing this. I am not ashamed to say each time I hear this I well up.
Words are powerful tools. They can be used for bad and to construct insults and drive hate. More importantly they can be used to support, to enthuse, to sympathize and to emote. Choose your words carefully in 2019. Ensure that they bring some good to the world and the people that form part of your life.
I wish you all the greatest of health, success and the ability to live life to the full in 2019.
I will leave you with the lyrics to that song that had so much effect on me in Blackpool and since. These words sum up where I am now and where I intend to go. I hope you continue to be part of my journey as I am sure it will be one we can both / all share:
Love always
Ms Amanda Grace Hilton.
xxx
Well less than 36 hours to the end of another year so its time to look back at the last 12 months and perhaps cast an eye towards the next 12 months. 9500+ views of this blog to date and hopefully more next year..
I perhaps hoped for more progress this last year than happened but in hindsight the pace was probably about right. Overall I am on schedule in that the lessons I have learned have helped shorten the timetable going forward so overall there is no loss. I am better prepared for what is to come now so the delay has had its uses.
In 2017 I spent a lot of time coming to terms with who I was, thinking about where I was going and starting the process of accepting that and coming out. In 2018 I put that work into action. There are a few key points Id just like to look back on. (For fuller details search the index for the old blogs).
In February I took the decision to start the process of coming out at work. I e-mailed two people with strong links to the LGBT community. I hoped at that point that work would support me and I was not wrong. However the support that I got from those two individuals was exceptional and continues to be the case. I as well as having two champions supporting me, I now have two more friends. The rest of the year would not have been possible without them.
In May I took the leap of e-mailing all my colleagues in my office essentially coming out to them all. Again the support I have had since has been excellent. People who I worried about I need not have and others I had no idea would be supportive continue to surprise me. They have welcomed Amanda largely with open arms and I am grateful for this.
In September I spent 9 days solid as Amanda living a normal life. Granted there was a wedding in the middle of that which is far from normal but I felt how it would be to be Amanda every day and my friends wedding was both the cherry on top and the catalyst. That was a huge step for my acceptance.
October had the first night out with work friends when they got to meet Amanda and the late year also had the training sessions on trans issues in work which culminated in the Q&A which was the first time I stepped in work as Amanda .
The Christmas Party where the place settings were for "Amanda Hilton" was an excellent way to end the year. Emotionally it really took hold that night but it was a good emotion and one I am glad I got out of my system.
In all what a journey and one which I have enjoyed and had the privilege of living. It was by far the year I have spent most as Amanda and the prequel for 2019.
So where to next year? Firstly I am going to promise to stop thanking everyone. You know if you have read this how important certain individuals have been to me and are still. You will forever be very much part of who I am and I am and will be in your debt.
To everyone who has helped so far in supporting me or reads this in the future and has paid a pivotal role I thank you. Support and friendship are key and I value the same deeply.
So that's it, no more thanks. Just be assured that you are appreciated and I am grateful. The smile on my face and the hugs I dish out are evidence of the same. I love hugging and being hugged so feel free to hug away!
As to the rest of the year well one small thing of me entirely embracing life as Amanda and living as her full time. I hope this is sooner rather than later but these last few years have taught me patience and I know 2019 will be the year but when will be what will be.
A new place all of my own will allow me the simple things of wandering around as I want (no not naked!) and just living a normal life as the person I should be. The simplicty of life I think will be the most revealing, supermarket shopping, catching a train and working. All day to day things people take for granted. The nights out are fun but the mundane stuff I oddly am looking forward to most. I will change my name and I will call on close friends to witness those documents for me. Take that as the compliment it is.
I will also start the process of physical changes. Little things like pierced ears, eyebrow shaping, hair removal and painted nails to start with. I hope to commence my GIC referral in 2019. I don't intend to be a strain on the NHS so will seek a joint NHS and private basis pathway. Hormones are a priority and whilst I don't want to self medicate, I am not adverse to the same should I hit any resistance.
I also intend to start to be more involved in the trans community as an advocate and supporter. I hope to attend local group meetings and help educate and support. Prides will be part of this and I am looking forward to being more active in local events plus anything work considers suitable. Bristol Pride I think will be a highlight and I intend to attend and support any iniatives by work.
As to work, who knows. Big changes are afoot which may force my hand somewhat but if not then I hope to continue to be the voice of the trans community in work and help with the diversity and inclusivity agenda. If things change then full time advocacy has its merits and interests. After all one thing work has taught me is how to craft and dissect any argument.
Its also been a long time since I have had a meaningful and loving relationship. I intend to be ...ahem active in 2019 and I am open to wherever that takes me and whoever that may be with. If you are reading this and perhaps might be interested, then woo me, impress me and most of all treat me as a real lady. I hope 2019 brings me a little happiness on that front and a chance to explore being Amanda.
Wardrobe is good to go now so its a case of just supplementing things and being more glam! Its very fulfilling to now look to buy stuff I want or desire as opposed to filling a need or gap. With family parties and another possible wedding, there could be a need for a few key outfits.
There will be also the last remnants of people to come out to. This holds no fear anymore. I am what I am and so happy being so. As may have said it is their problem not mine and that applies equally to family and friends.
So last year was exceptional and this next year is looking excellent. It has been a long time since I could say that.
In July I went to Blackpool.I love Blackpool. It is vibrant and accepting. I was accompanied by another dear friend and we were out one night when a club put a song on the video screen. Later in the year at Liverpool Pride I heard a choir singing this. I am not ashamed to say each time I hear this I well up.
Words are powerful tools. They can be used for bad and to construct insults and drive hate. More importantly they can be used to support, to enthuse, to sympathize and to emote. Choose your words carefully in 2019. Ensure that they bring some good to the world and the people that form part of your life.
I wish you all the greatest of health, success and the ability to live life to the full in 2019.
I will leave you with the lyrics to that song that had so much effect on me in Blackpool and since. These words sum up where I am now and where I intend to go. I hope you continue to be part of my journey as I am sure it will be one we can both / all share:
When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I'm meant to be, this is me
Look out 'cause here I come
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum
I'm not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I'm meant to be, this is me
Look out 'cause here I come
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum
I'm not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me
Love always
Ms Amanda Grace Hilton.
xxx
I love you... and am so proud of the person you have become. It’s a long way from that phone conversation we had...xxx
ReplyDeleteExcited! Bring on Bristol Pride x
ReplyDelete