Pride (a)

Hiya all.

I'm typing this from my hotel room on the Saturday evening after my day at Bristol Pride. Just wanted to get down my first thoughts and I'll probably do more next week.

I should really be out partying but I've had such a brilliant time I'm shattered and happy to be here, sore feet up with a bottle of wine.

The week started on a serious low note. My mental state can at times be fragile and before the trip down, I was suffering from a serious drop off a cliff type low. I badly needed to get away and repair my mental state.

Friday night drinks and a meal with a dear dear friend helped the repair process. I genuinely cannot buy that deep and meaningful friendship. New dress worn which seems to have gone down well. I had better sleep and went into the day itself much better than expected.

A 40 minute uphill walk blew the cobwebs away and arriving on site I found our gazebo. I didn't really know what to expect. I have been a pride before but not as Amanda. Also being at a stall brought closer attention. I need not have worried. The colleagues and people helping just accepted me and the visitors didn't blink an eye.

I noticed such diversity in the people attending. Gender and sexual identity was irrelevant and across the whole spectrum. Traditional families mixed without issue with even the more outrageously dressed and there appeared a respect across the range of people there. It was massive in numbers and I felt such hope and promise that society is changing for the better.

I took sometime to wander around and soak up the atmosphere. All my worries of the previous week were washed away.

I spent time with people who were strangers prior to today and time with newish friends and felt entirely at ease. Thanks to everyone for letting me be me.

After the stall was packed away I again wandered around for a couple of hours. I saw people with friends being who they are without any shame or fear. I saw couples across the gender and sexual spectrum enjoying good music, food, weather and relaxing. The environment created was amazing.

It at this point I felt the only tinge of regret. As much as I loved today, it would have been perfect if I could have shared it with someone close to me. I realise that those needs are strong within me. I am open to however and with whoever those opportunities present themselves. I know now how important it is to me. I harbor such desires for a few but I remain uncertain if they are willing to be with me . If anyone is willing to take me on then be assured that I will be very much a willing and attentive partner. So take a punt 😂.

I then with feet aching wandered back here thankfully downhill all the way passing revellers going to and from the site.

So what have I learned.
1) Certain cities have over time formed a place in my heart that goes beyond just enjoying the time there. San Francisco was one and I can now add Bristol to that list. Clifton is stunning but the city as a whole and its people will forever be a place I want to return to.

2) I had no qualms stepping out as  Amanda. I felt entirely at ease and it was so much more natural and part of who I am.

3) I need a fringe. Will suit me so much more.

4) I am now a tights devotee. So practical

5) I am lonely in so far as whilst I have great friends I need that special someone.

I will take some more time to mull over this weekend but so far wow. It came to my rescue just when I needed it most. I am secure in the knowledge that I am who I really am. I just need someone to love and want Amanda. Not a lot to ask is it??

Until next time

Love 😍

Amanda xx