Not so manic now
Hi all,
Been playing with posting this for the last few days but I thought what the hell.
Ive read back a few of my recent blogs and thought.... wow you miserable sod. Ok it was justified in that its been a tough few months and whilst I'm still fighting battles I'd rather were over, however I've taken some time and had a re think on things.
I can control and influence so much but sometimes you just have to go with the ride and push only where you can. Yes there will be bad days but I got a sense this week that the super tanker of the last few years of crap might well be turning and heading in the right direction.
Thats got me more enthused than previously and the grey matter has dropped into planning mode.
So a few things sorted. Firstly I am going the office Christmas party. I had felt guilt about still not being full time yet but I know I;m so close. Should it matter? I think not now. People know and people know what its going to be like soon. Hopefully when I attend I will have a day for my house move so I can at least say - yes it will be in a few weeks. We are down to one missing document so nearly there.
The conundrum with my father has been avoided by booking a hotel. Close enough to the venue to stagger back and not bank breaking. Its not ideal but its a compromise I'm willing to make now. Give me time and safe space to get ready. I love the dress ive got and going to be more confident this time.
Once I get the house move date then its time for that final chat and up to him if he wants a sneak preview or wants to wait.
In the meantime I'm going to be me as much as I can and finish the final prep. So i've been on a ebay bender.
Much stuff bought and very happy despite the outlay. A few more key items and i'll be there. New set of boobs for the start of my new life as well i think. In no particular order i've bought 4 pairs of shoes, 1 pair of ankle boots, 1 pair of jeans, two coats, two long sleeve tops/blouses and three dresses. Sometimes when I buy off ebay sometimes it can be hit and miss but i am so at ease with my own style now that I rarely get it wrong. I have an inner contentment that I'm bursting to let out. I dont want to get prematurely excited but I am so ready and so know I am doing the right thing.
Oh and i have found an amazing concealer that really covers up.. Tried it at my recent London gig and very impressed with the coverage. Tried also matt nails and look good.
So I feel like I am entering the final stages, the final prep period. I dont doubt there are going to be lows but I intend to see more of the good stuff now and be more positive. If im not you have permission to say something.
So off shopping tomorrow and lets see what I can buy.
Until next time
Amanda
xxx
Been playing with posting this for the last few days but I thought what the hell.
Ive read back a few of my recent blogs and thought.... wow you miserable sod. Ok it was justified in that its been a tough few months and whilst I'm still fighting battles I'd rather were over, however I've taken some time and had a re think on things.
I can control and influence so much but sometimes you just have to go with the ride and push only where you can. Yes there will be bad days but I got a sense this week that the super tanker of the last few years of crap might well be turning and heading in the right direction.
Thats got me more enthused than previously and the grey matter has dropped into planning mode.
So a few things sorted. Firstly I am going the office Christmas party. I had felt guilt about still not being full time yet but I know I;m so close. Should it matter? I think not now. People know and people know what its going to be like soon. Hopefully when I attend I will have a day for my house move so I can at least say - yes it will be in a few weeks. We are down to one missing document so nearly there.
The conundrum with my father has been avoided by booking a hotel. Close enough to the venue to stagger back and not bank breaking. Its not ideal but its a compromise I'm willing to make now. Give me time and safe space to get ready. I love the dress ive got and going to be more confident this time.
Once I get the house move date then its time for that final chat and up to him if he wants a sneak preview or wants to wait.
In the meantime I'm going to be me as much as I can and finish the final prep. So i've been on a ebay bender.
Much stuff bought and very happy despite the outlay. A few more key items and i'll be there. New set of boobs for the start of my new life as well i think. In no particular order i've bought 4 pairs of shoes, 1 pair of ankle boots, 1 pair of jeans, two coats, two long sleeve tops/blouses and three dresses. Sometimes when I buy off ebay sometimes it can be hit and miss but i am so at ease with my own style now that I rarely get it wrong. I have an inner contentment that I'm bursting to let out. I dont want to get prematurely excited but I am so ready and so know I am doing the right thing.
Oh and i have found an amazing concealer that really covers up.. Tried it at my recent London gig and very impressed with the coverage. Tried also matt nails and look good.
So I feel like I am entering the final stages, the final prep period. I dont doubt there are going to be lows but I intend to see more of the good stuff now and be more positive. If im not you have permission to say something.
So off shopping tomorrow and lets see what I can buy.
Until next time
Amanda
xxx
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