Lasts and Firsts

Hi all,

My last blog of 2019 I think. Been happy with my blog frequencies this year and content although readership has fallen a little. Still thank those not of the UK for tuning in and regularly. 13700 page impressions since I started is frankly amazing and I am humbled by the interest shown. I hope in 2020 you continue to tune in as that will be one hell of a year.

Before I look back / forward a quick catch up since I last wrote.

As I write, I am now three weeks from moving into my house. All sealed and ready to go. Mixture of excitement and trepidation. Loads to do between now and then. Such a faff moving house and can see why people don't do it that often lol.

However am starting to get creative with the soft furnishing requirements and furniture needs. Bed and couch selected but little things are starting to enter my thoughts. I'm not a total girlie girl. I like pastels and shiny metals so there will be a subtle undertone with bright colours to break it up.I'm rather minimalist so should not be any clutter. Mirrors will abound as will pictures. Plenty of space so will spread out a bit and any heavy nights out can accommodate anyone crashing lol.

I hope to ingratiate myself with the locals soon as I can and enjoy the area. Plenty of shops (looks like a nice clothes shop on the main street), bars and restaurants nearby with long walks. Get a local hairdresser to cut my hair (long overdue) and just try and settle in quickly.

Also had my works Christmas party. Posh do and those who follow me on social media (@amandahilton71 on twitter) would have seen the dress. Flame red full length satin with kick split. Heels of course and seemed stockings. Took me ages to get ready (will work on that next year) and far less nervous than the year before. Really felt natural to be me and I feel people were more accepting rather than careful not to step on eggshells. Had a great night and was the highlight of a difficult year.

As the title suggests I am now entering a period of change. Things I will do for the last time as my male identity and starting to do things ready for my first time living as Amanda. I applied last week for the change of name by Deed Poll. Formally changes my legal name so I can then get all my new documents issued and start working as Amanda.

People I know have seen me for the last time as a male and others are in the last few weeks of this. I am ready albeit there have been a few wobbles although that is to be expected. I just think things through and work it all out and then I'm good again.

This year was supposed to be the breakthrough year. I missed it by a few weeks it seems but bearing in mind what I have been through this year the fact I have come out of it relatively scar free. I'm single, shortly to have my own place and ready to start living properly. I intend to enjoy being me. That means i'll be out and about and getting to know the trans community in the north west quite well. Hopefully I'll be able to help in what can be an increasingly difficult world.

So as I finish off another year and gear myself up for what will be a year of huge change, I'd just like to thank those who have supported me and helped me this year. There were some really tough times and some residual issues to shift but I'm in a far better place as a result of having that support.

A lot of new things are going to happen in a short period of time. I know myself well enough that I may well struggle st certain points and have doubts. However once I work myself past those bumps in the road I sense inside that I am ready to blossom and probably for the first time in my life fee genuinely in touch with myself and at ease. I cant stress how important that will be.

I hope as always that you will be with me as I continue with my journey.

Until then, I wish you all a happy Christmas and hope your New Year is amazing and fabulous.

Amanda
xx