Transition

 Its been a weird year so far. As I have said before my views arent trying to diminish what is going on in the world but I can only talk from my perspective. 

Summer has pretty much passed by unnoticed. Trips out and holidays all bit the dust.  However as we move forward we can hope that some elements of normal are starting to resume. 

In that respect the title reflects both me personally and life generally. 

It has without a doubt been a tough 5-6 months. Working from home has been of little fun. Yes a little more time in bed, no commute and costs saving from that, however I miss that getting out and seeing other people and working in a city. 

So whilst I am looking forward to what they are calling a "soft" return to the office next month, I am a bit nervous as to the same. I am rusty on the commute and just getting out for work. Its not the risk of going back. Statistically its low both to get it and get ill from it. I only had a few weeks going to and from work before lockdown so it is like starting again. 

However during this enforced absence I have tried to keep in a routine. Someone recently asked me if I dressed for work each day. Yes I do. We dont do much video conferencing at the moment but suspect that will change but this wasnt the reason. 

I am a planner. I go into most things in life with a plan of attack or options. I planned for that day of turning up at work but for all the planning in the world you never get everything right first time. 

So instead of practicing and  making errors in the full glare of work or in public, I have had the chance in this period to get some much needed time doing the day to day things but in private. I now feel more confident that I will hit the ground running when we go back. It gave me breathing space and the pressure was off. 

So lets be positive. There will be ups and downs going forward but I am actually looking back to getting to working in the office. The weight will hopefully drop a little just by not gorging on biscuits and the complete lack of movement. Simply walking to and from stations and around the office is surprisingly more than I do now. 

Also my feet have fully adapted to heels. No pain, no discomfort and none of that scrapping noise when you misjudge a step. I actually love wearing them now and that way they shape the way you stand and walk. It feels just right. 

So as I alluded to last time out, my regulator the Chartered Institute of Legal Executives invited me to do a podcast with them. I was nervous not about doing it, Those that know me well know when I am on a roll I can be very vocal about what I think, I was just nervous about how I came across. 

I have had some feedback which has been excellent but I have always been self critical perhaps overly so or unnecessarily. Habits can be hard to break. Make up your own mind by listening to it here:

https://www.cilex.org.uk/~/media/podcasts/b2c8bf77-0fb8-4977-8a68-f23939bdb78d.mp4?la=en

38 minutes or so. 

 I enjoy doing these things. It for one breaks the mundane of the  day to day stuff. but more importantly I feel my voice needs to be heard by others either wanting to do what I did or those that dont understand. It is important to me and something I want to do more of. Looks like in the next few months there are going to be one for certain and possibly another. Im really looking forward to that.

Also had a discussion with my GP today following my blood analysis a couple of weeks ago. Cholesterol level is fine, very slight liver function issue but nothing to worry about and no action to be taken (probably keep an eye on that) and base line hormone levels noted. 

Once I get it in black and white, I can then apply for my next private consult with an endo and then its looking at HRT to start my treatment. 

My dysphoria has largely been under control in this period. Living as you always felt you should does that but now I am used to it I have noticed an increase again about how my body looks. HRT cant start soon enough. I appreciate this will be a slow process but its very important to me. Bits that are there I now hate and bits that should be there I desperately have to have. So to speed matters up savings are being made and hopefully I can find enough for what I need. In the meantime Im going to look around at minor cosmetic stuff that I can do to help improve how I look.

Finally in the last few weeks I have managed to get out and about a few times for a few drinks. To those friends I have been with and whose company I have enjoyed I thank you. Its made such a difference and been very enjoyable. Just what I needed. 

So a busy few weeks and by the next time I write this I suspect I will either be back in work or know more about HRT, 

In the meantime stay safe but dont give up and sit in all day. Manage your risk and live life a little

Amanda 

xx