Tired

Can't believe it was nearly a month since Christmas and we are well into the New Year and a sense of normalcy has returned. Well as close as we can under plan B. That however as I write is coming to an end. I see hope in this. There will be a hangover and adaptation as we learn to live with COVID as endemic and homeworking as the new normal but for me anyway it is a sense of giving me the ability to spread my wings both figuratively and literally.

It's been a difficult few weeks. I generally hate the post Christmas period and I allowed myself to fall into a bit of a negative rut. If I've come across as grumpy I apologise. Feeling more positive at the moment despite some issues.

Lets confront the issues. I said in the past I didn't get much abuse but I went through a short period when I did. There however have been some safe spaces and ironically football was one. 

Last week that changed when I visited Buxton following my team. I don't know why as they don't have a reputation but I felt a tad uneasy. Call it premonition if you want but I just knew something wasn't right.

Cue a toliet dash before full time and a walk in front of the home fans. It was a minority chant but clear for me. I tweeted immediately but what was most disappointing is the club (who were tagged) didn't do or say anything. Friends backed me up on twitter and on the day but it's clear LGBTQ rights at football still have a way to go. Silence is complicity. Any bigotry needs to be called out and stopped. Blind eyes aren't acceptable anymore. Disappointing as it was it's done me a favour. More of which I hope to report soon on but in the meantime if you love football like me, please support openly Football v Homophobia. Google them and use your social media to spread the word. I will say it again Silence is complicity. Education is required and just Google the suicide rate in LGBTQ community and your hopefully will see how being a vocal ally is so important. I shouldn't have to report such things. It should be normal that they are monitored and picked up as of right.

On a more positive note, I had my first surgical referral appointment this month and have been recommended. I need two referrals and awaiting my second appointment soon I hope. I'm paying for this from my pocket so those with an NHS / woke agenda gripe can park the indignation right away. Body autonomy is absolute for consenting adults. No one needs permission for cosmetic surgery.

Those that know me well will know I've planned this to the millimetre so hopefully I'll have more news in the coming months.

Coming back to the issue of support and allies, I've come to appreciate that it's a natural human instinct as opposed something that can be taught. You are however taught to hate, to discriminate or be a bigot. It may be deliberately or subliminal but it's not natural. I pity those who hate is the first port of call as opposed to compassion. You really deserve my sympathy but I'm tired of trying. Instead I'll highlight bigotry, hate and discrimination as it will reflect entirely on you as opposed to me. History shows hate loses. The so called war on woke is being pushed by people who will be on the wrong side of history.

Yes there are extremes at all sides of all arguments. I always say ditch the best and worst 10% and look at the rest. That gives you a better indication. There is no universal freedom of speech. If there was you would listen to paedophiles discussing child safety or facists discussing race. That is patently wrong. By all means express your views but take the consequences. Those consequences will not be favourable. Society and the world is progressive. Men used to wear heels, pink was a boys colour and Santa is only red due to Coca Cola. Things move forward. Looking back or saying now is a far as we go puts you firmly in dinosaur territory and we know what happened to them. 

For me now it's about spending time on things that benefit me and my community. I'll spend time and money with family and friends who support me. If you don't why should it be my responsibility to put you right or listen to your psuedo compassion when in private the hate comes out. It is hate not opinion. I've said it before I'm not an ideology. Educate yourself rather than allow yourself to be unduly Influenced. To be honest I'd rather surround myself with people who unconditionally want me as a friend or relative. Those people I and society values.

So if you can read between the lines then you will see what this means. The minority who can't see that it's still me, can't see that it's just me being me or their blinkers mean they can't see that it's themselves being harmed not me, then as o believe the current vernacular is "jog on". That said if you decide to want to join compassionate humane society then I'll welcome you with open arms but in the meantime enjoy your pit of hatred. You have my eternal sympathy. Be careful whose position you take. I can assure you it will reflect more on you than me 

Rant over. New year and new positivity now. Passport to be applied for in my new name and don't care how many forms or tests you need I intend to get about this year 

It's been mentioned to me that I don't blog many photos. Well I mentioned a green dress that was vintage so here I am ...

Taken in a mirror in my Japanese theme room in my house. More to come next time 

Keep well, keep safe but if there's a party going let me know

Amanda xx