Recuperation

Sooooo..... Three weeks post surgery. Firstly that has gone round a tad too quickly. 

As I mentioned last time around, things were a bit of a mess but slowly recovering. 

I'm now very much less of a mess and recovery is progressing slowly. For the first time ever I'm looking at Bodyform adverts with a genuine interest. Wings and absorption rates have suddenly became part of my Tesco shop education. 

I'm down to liners now as opposed to what I can only describe as fat cotton caterpillars. I've also had a few stiches in the less stressed areas fall out without issue as underneath has knitted nicely. More used areas are proving to be more stubborn at healing but they are healing nonetheless.

The routine of dilation is well established and my TBMs (interim nicknames) are doing their job. Only two more months of triple daily stretching to go .

To those who may have done their research, it's a very much environmentally friendly operation in that recycling is the key word. If it can be reused it does get reused. 

Part of that reuse is to create a sensitive spot. For those of a less than robust fortitude I'll leave it to your imagination what gets reused to create this knib of potential future joy.

As with any major surgery, things get damaged and need to reconnect over a period of time. The shooting pains of my nerves reconnecting has been most uncomfortable and difficult to handle. However there is a good side.

To date a lot down there has been numb / lacking in sensitivity. However as part of my cleaning the other day, I accidentally brushed said bit and felt something most different. A feeling not felt before and one my brain is going to have to adapt to. That said it was a pleasant surprise after near constant pain to feel something not that bad. Clearly things are rewiring nicely.

Another unusual circumstance is the lack of anything blocking that space at the top of my thighs results in a more direct may I call it, passage for release. Again novel and makes me laugh when it (rarely of course) happens. 

That and a gawping big space there are all things I'm getting used to.

Mobility is still compromised. Walking is improving but I won't be doing an Ed Moses anytime soon. Sitting is improving but I'm still on multiple pillows. Most difficult is the pain and adjustments needed are very draining and I'm finding myself knackered quickly and at the end of the day.

Mentally I'm still stretching my patience to its limits. Boredom and being essentially housebound are not conducive to a good state of mind. Soon as I can sit sans pain for a few hours then that will be the game changer and I'll be able to get out and about. It's like lockdown all over again but it was nice this week to have two visits from two close friends. Nicely picked me up did that.

I've also been back on hormones now for two weeks and can sense an equilibrium returning. I had to stop for four weeks pre surgery and that was very noticeable. Now with my reconstruction my natural testosterone production has ceased so it's pump me full of oestrogen only now. That again feels good. I missed my patches.

I am hopeful by the time I next blog that I will be back to some extent in the social whirl I had pre op. Seems strange saying that term. For those like me we are now in vernacular labelled "post-op". The biggest of big steps in the journey I'm on. I really never thought it would happen. 

The pain I keep telling myself is short term. The body being corrected will be forever. That conclusion alone internally screams at me akin to scoring the winner in the world cup final. Such euphoria is subdued and suppressed currently but straining to get out. 

I'm going to really celebrate once my short term physical limitations are over!! Feel free to join me.

Amanda xx