One small step..

 As I mentioned in my last missive, I thought I'd revisit a few things as I bring this blog to an end.

I mentioned that when I looked back to the start how much I didn't know.

Certainly I had limited expectations and nearly no idea as to where I would end up.

That's the power of trying something and letting go. Aside from learning about myself I've learnt two things.

Failure is only a learning experience. I'm not afraid to try things anymore. I'll always evaluate before doing but at the same time I'm less restrictive. If basically I want to do it I'll give it a bash. I'm not afraid of ruffling a few feathers or getting it wrong. I'll try and always do the right thing but I won't stop trying anymore.

An example of this is travelling alone. Seasoned solo traveller now and love the freedom to be me and do things I want. I'm not adverse to compromise so if anyone wants to join me let me know but I'm just glad I can get the opportunity to go where I want now.

Secondly I've learnt not to be afraid of being me. For way too long I was terrified of letting go and being myself. That's a terrible burden to carry 

Now I'm proudly transgender and more than happy to stand up and be myself. That also means supporting others, being vocal about the issues the LGBTQ community faces and yes trying to do something about it 

I can't be a bystander. It's not who or what I am.

Going back 7 years would or could I have thought I'd be here now.....no chance. I got here though by pushing the envelope, by dipping a toe and eventually all of me into being myself.

It's frightening how easy it is to compromise, to give up, to miss out. 

Whatever you are, whatever you like and whatever you want, if it's legal and doesn't harm anyone else then do it. 

Are there regrets....hmmm I try not to regret. Yes mistakes were made. There is no guide or instruction manual to this so mess ups were bound to happen. I certainly would have done things differently in certain circumstances. Trusted some more, avoided others without a doubt. Perhaps moved a bit quicker as there were times I was thinking about others over myself which turned out to be the wrong approach. Not always but there were occasions.

Yet I got here and boy am I glad I did.

I think back to that person I once was and you know I don't miss him. The thing is I see photos and have memories but they seem like someone else. I don't recognise that person anymore.... because it was a facsimile of who I am. A front, a cover or perhaps camouflage? 

 Either way...it's past and I'm not looking backwards anymore.

Amanda xx