Nothing to see here
Hi folks just quick update from last weeks misery fest lol.
Not sure where that all came from. Very much in a low mood when I wrote that it seems and as quick as I wrote it I came to the conclusion that there wasn't a great deal in it. However important things were said and glad I did so its out of the way and on record in case I ever have the need to rebut false presumptions.
Side tracked me a little did that fug but back on track now.
I mentioned that I had a clear out clothes wise and went female positive in terms of numbers / proportion of clothes. Only added to that this week with a few bits of underwear, a jacket and a t-shirt. Playing with the idea of wearing the latter to work on a dress down day. Its clear from its design that it isn't male and therefore will be the first true time of wearing something in work openly female. That said I've been wearing female stuff underneath for a while and more importantly have stopped for 2 weeks now wearing male underwear and moved on to female only underwear.
When writing this I thought hold on who determined what is and isn't male / female underwear. Ok i get the top half issues in that for men (unless you have serious weight issues) then there isn't a need for upper undies. However when was it decided that men cant wear something and women should. Nearly exclusively no one sees them so why should you not wear what you want. There is some issues with design and the individual needs and I've had to adapt in some respects to accommodate certain styles but generally all is the same down there. Its only societal developments that have said one wears one type and another a different type.
Now for some this is considered a fetish wearing such underwear. Well physically there has been not effect as a result which as someone once told me that was indicative of knowledge that you were destined to be who you are. Two weeks in and I am entirely at ease with this now so should a stray undie pop out then please understand that it is just a part of me heading towards my future me.
I have also been troubled with my hair. I've been playing around with various methods of style and have gone for a casual tied back look mainly. This hasn't accentuated my female inner self's confidence and caused my dysphoria to be prevalent in the last few weeks. What is dysphoria you ask. This is the scientific description of those who have issues with their gender identity, namely
"a profound state of unease or dissatisfaction. In a psychiatric context, dysphoria may accompany depression, anxiety, or agitation. It can also refer to a state of not being comfortable in one's current body, particularly in cases of gender dysphoria. Common reactions to dysphoria include emotional distress; in some cases, even physical distress is seen"
I've moved so far forward that I am I suppose more prevalent to being sensitive to not being who I want to be. Despite having it cut to grow as I want and a half heated colouring I was still conscious that I just looked male still. Well thank the lord for straighteners. Bought a week or so ago and not had the chance to play with them. However have today done so and omg do they make a difference. Will be so much happier with just a bit of time playing with these each day.
Last week also made a big step in attending a female networking meeting after work, albeit as a male. Almost all present knew however but I was conscious of not trying to be the center of attention as this was my first out of work time since I came out. However winning a bottle champers didn't help in going under the radar lol. I did however feel at ease and hope I can play a part with this group in due course. I felt really at ease and not out of place at all. In time being female there will of course help. I do feel a little bit falling between male and female groups at the moment socially as if women havent yet entirely accepted me and men are feeling that I perhaps dont fit their group ideal anymore. Odd but hopefully in time I'll find my place.
So a busy but productive week. One where key changes both socially and with me have been accepted. I also took the time to "friend" people I know on FaceBook which has also gone well.
I do however remain conscious of not over promoting myself and being in peoples faces. I however am entirely at ease if people want to make something of my status i.e. help show diversity and what others can be, I just don't yet feel comfortable starting this off. Don't however be put off in suggesting that I get involved in things as I am certainly up for that. Perhaps the remnants of the shy past still being there but I need to put that to bed and any help is appreciated.
With this is mind, I will just post this to my blog site and not promote it any further. Feel free however to share and as always I welcome any feedback. Still amazed some people have said nothing but so be it.
Amanda
xxx
Not sure where that all came from. Very much in a low mood when I wrote that it seems and as quick as I wrote it I came to the conclusion that there wasn't a great deal in it. However important things were said and glad I did so its out of the way and on record in case I ever have the need to rebut false presumptions.
Side tracked me a little did that fug but back on track now.
I mentioned that I had a clear out clothes wise and went female positive in terms of numbers / proportion of clothes. Only added to that this week with a few bits of underwear, a jacket and a t-shirt. Playing with the idea of wearing the latter to work on a dress down day. Its clear from its design that it isn't male and therefore will be the first true time of wearing something in work openly female. That said I've been wearing female stuff underneath for a while and more importantly have stopped for 2 weeks now wearing male underwear and moved on to female only underwear.
When writing this I thought hold on who determined what is and isn't male / female underwear. Ok i get the top half issues in that for men (unless you have serious weight issues) then there isn't a need for upper undies. However when was it decided that men cant wear something and women should. Nearly exclusively no one sees them so why should you not wear what you want. There is some issues with design and the individual needs and I've had to adapt in some respects to accommodate certain styles but generally all is the same down there. Its only societal developments that have said one wears one type and another a different type.
Now for some this is considered a fetish wearing such underwear. Well physically there has been not effect as a result which as someone once told me that was indicative of knowledge that you were destined to be who you are. Two weeks in and I am entirely at ease with this now so should a stray undie pop out then please understand that it is just a part of me heading towards my future me.
I have also been troubled with my hair. I've been playing around with various methods of style and have gone for a casual tied back look mainly. This hasn't accentuated my female inner self's confidence and caused my dysphoria to be prevalent in the last few weeks. What is dysphoria you ask. This is the scientific description of those who have issues with their gender identity, namely
"a profound state of unease or dissatisfaction. In a psychiatric context, dysphoria may accompany depression, anxiety, or agitation. It can also refer to a state of not being comfortable in one's current body, particularly in cases of gender dysphoria. Common reactions to dysphoria include emotional distress; in some cases, even physical distress is seen"
I've moved so far forward that I am I suppose more prevalent to being sensitive to not being who I want to be. Despite having it cut to grow as I want and a half heated colouring I was still conscious that I just looked male still. Well thank the lord for straighteners. Bought a week or so ago and not had the chance to play with them. However have today done so and omg do they make a difference. Will be so much happier with just a bit of time playing with these each day.
Last week also made a big step in attending a female networking meeting after work, albeit as a male. Almost all present knew however but I was conscious of not trying to be the center of attention as this was my first out of work time since I came out. However winning a bottle champers didn't help in going under the radar lol. I did however feel at ease and hope I can play a part with this group in due course. I felt really at ease and not out of place at all. In time being female there will of course help. I do feel a little bit falling between male and female groups at the moment socially as if women havent yet entirely accepted me and men are feeling that I perhaps dont fit their group ideal anymore. Odd but hopefully in time I'll find my place.
So a busy but productive week. One where key changes both socially and with me have been accepted. I also took the time to "friend" people I know on FaceBook which has also gone well.
I do however remain conscious of not over promoting myself and being in peoples faces. I however am entirely at ease if people want to make something of my status i.e. help show diversity and what others can be, I just don't yet feel comfortable starting this off. Don't however be put off in suggesting that I get involved in things as I am certainly up for that. Perhaps the remnants of the shy past still being there but I need to put that to bed and any help is appreciated.
With this is mind, I will just post this to my blog site and not promote it any further. Feel free however to share and as always I welcome any feedback. Still amazed some people have said nothing but so be it.
Amanda
xxx
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